Monday, January 5, 2009

I'll have the honesty....a la mode please

Sam over at bestowed this wonderful honesty award on me. So I'm supposed to be honest. List 10 HONEST things. Me. Amy. McMean. Must be honest. About myself. I feel years of pent up should have gone ot therapey issues bubbling to the surface here. Honest. About me. Oh boy. Here goes.

  1. I always worry about being late. I show up 3o minutes early to functions and sit in my car and wait for it to be time. I don't want to be that person. The late person. the person everyone talks about while they are waiting for them to get there. No thank you.

  2. I'm PAINFULLY shy. That's why I love blogging. I can SEEM open and friendly but I'm not. I'm painfully shy. I swear to whatever religoiuse icon you believe in. PAINFULLY SHY.

  3. I go out to dinner and the moives alone all the time. I'll go to sit down places and stay as long as I want and don't worry about someone in the restuarant is going "Oh look at that girl all alone". I don't care. I need to eat to. For some reason this doesn't bother me. But PLEASE don't ask me to talk to anyone else sitting at the bar.

  4. I'm jelouse of my friends. I'm jelouse of their lives, relationships, the money they have, the things they do, that their skinnier, less shy, smarter, and just all around better then me. I want to know when it's going ot be my turn.

  5. I know that it's not so much love that draws me to Mr. Ship as it is desperation. I can't help but wonder what if no one ever cares about me again. What if this is the best I'll ever have and I miss it.

  6. I want to be more like my best friend. I want to be strong enough to pack up and move across the country just because thats what I want. I want to be strong enough to try.

  7. I think about sex all the time. Unfortunetly it usually involves Mr. Ship. I watch way to much porn for a normal person, but I don't really care.

  8. I think that if i smile more, pay closer attention, dress sexier, laugh at his jokes, and sleep with him that one day he'll finally realize that I'm good enough for him. I use that logic to convince myself that theres hope with Mr. Ship.

  9. I worry that what makes me happy might make other people mad and maybe it's easier to please the masses then please myself.

  10. I'm too afraid I'll SUCCEED to actually try. What if it works, what if i get a new job and move, and make more money. And I can't handle it. I'll just stay at whats comfortable so I don't have to worry about it.

Now I'm to name a seven people who i think should do this also. I pick

  • Darcie

  • Kitty

  • Rachel

  • La Pixie

  • Melissa
  • and you! Be honest. I'll be readin these and I ahve my awesome new honesty decoder watch on.


Sam_I_am said...

I hate being late too. Unfortunately, Fiance is ALWAYS late. I never actually thought about killing another human being until the first time he made me late. Haha, that could be taken totally the wrong way.

Diane said...

Wow. You totally overcame your honesty block. This was an amazing list and it was incredibly brave of you to say what you did. Some of your list broke my heart... for you, and for me, too, as I saw myself there. I can tell you that coming out on the other side of a bad marriage with a cheating spouse, you doubt EVERYTHING about yourself. But know what I'm learning... that you are not only capable of great things, you are DESERVING of them. You have to step out of your comfort zone, which is hard to do, but it's worth it. As I said, though, amazing list!!!!

Wifey Dessert said...

i hate being late too.. but i cannot seem to get it together on a regular occasion lol.. i often get to work early and then decide to sleep in my car for just a minute and wake up right on time for work lol..

La Pixie said...

why cant I comment?? *grrr* stupid computer!!

La Pixie said...

oh yeah, it published THAT comment. *rolls eyes*