Sunday, May 31, 2009
FINALLY! WELCOME kid! Thanks for coming to see us after all this time. I can't wait to go see him and his mommy! I have a special little present for both of them!! Of course he picks the one week where I have to work 6 days. Nice job kid!
UPDATE: New picture!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
This picture from my trip to Denver makes me happy. Jules, Kitty and I had suck a blast. And the photo won second place in the County Fair last September! Go ME!
I took this picture last summer at my parents house. I love the colors and the slight drop of water hanging from the petal. taking pictures makes me happy.
Here's me and Kitty at the Rockies game. She's my BEST FRIEND and that makes me really happy. She would help hide the bodies. Shit she'd help make them dead first.
Warm and fuzzies! One of my favorite animals
Beer makes me happy. Come on. Beer makes you happy also. We hit up Coors Brewery when we went to Colorado last year. Yummy! Tap the Rockies Baby!
Corn dogs! yummy. comfort food. I lived on these things in college. Trust me. YOU CAN TELL! LOL
I love carnivals and fairs. The excitement is infectious.
Green grass and blue skies make me happy. I just want to kick my shoes off and run around and roll down those hills!
I don't know this kid. Never saw him before in my life. I don't know why he keeps calling me Aunt Amy. Hey little boy how did you get up in that big tree!
Side note~ My nephew was so scared he was going to fall. Big brother and i had to keep yelling at him to smile so I could get a good picture. This is the look of fear, not boredom. LOL.
stop by and see what everyone else is writing about.
I'm going to try and find things that float my boat :> I bought my fishing license last week and I can't wait to do some fishing. It's a great way to relax and enjoy the outdoors. I'd like to find somethings to do in my spare time that will open me up to different things and different people. So i resolve to try more, to find things that I like. that I want to do. and do them. regardless if I do them alone or not.
I'm a great catch. I know it. I'm not saying it to be cocky or prove my self worth. I'm a good person. I'm dependable, my friends and family will agree with that. Sometimes I just start to fear that maybe no one will notice. Or that my chance passed me by. I think I've fallen so far into "the pit of what my life should be" that I'm struggling to find what MY life should be as decided by ME. Everyone around me is moving forward and sometimes I think I'm just glued down. Barely staying a float.
Some days i feel like I just have so far to go. I love my friends and my family. But in the last year I can't help but feel like everyone else is finding the things that make them happy and I'm just sinking further into the pit. I know I should not judge my life by anyone else. I know I shouldn't compare my success to the people around me. I know I shouldn't.....but I do. It's hard. I've struggled for 4 years to deal with being alone. All the while attending numerous friends weddings, baby showers, family functions, and work parties..... alone. I'm tired of checking 1 on my RSVP's. It does ware on me. It does beat me down. But I do my best to remind myself that I'll find what I'm looking for (in the relationship department) someday. It's just hard. I love my friends but I don't always want to be the 3rd wheel. They would NEVER knowingly make me feel that way. I feel that way in my head. It's hard sometimes, and sometimes I just want to wallow in it with Ben and Jerry. Some days I just want to scream, pout and whine. I see all my friends who are married and wonder when will it happen for me. I don't want to be the single friend with all the niece and nephews, forever. I want more.
But I know I'm a good person. I know I deserve to be loved and that when i finally find someone to share my life with they will be LUCKY to have me. That I deserve to be with someone who loves me and sees all the good things that make up me. I wont settle for anything less. I deserve someone who doesn't treat me like a stand-in for something better, a holding person until they get bored with me. I deserve to mean as much to someone else as they mean to me. I deserve more. And I'll have it sometime.
I just secretly (or not so secretly now) wish that sometime would hurry up. I'll move through this. I always do. I just needed to vent because as understanding as my friends and family (most of the time) are I can't talk to them about this. How seeing their happiness around me ALL the TIME makes it hard for me to breath. How sometimes I'm resentful that they have the husband or wife, the job, and the family that I just can't seem to carve for myself. Sometimes I just want to pout. Sometimes I just want to breath without having the happiness chock my windpipes. It just seems like everyone is happy around me. It's smothering sometimes. Case in point.
- big brother announced Thursday that his girlfriend is pregnant.
- Preggers (not for much longer) text me to inform me she is being induced tomorrow night. Seems baby Logan's doctors have decided it's time. She's only a few weeks away form her due date, but send some good thoughts their way if you can. My new little "nephew" will be here soon!
- Soccermom goes Friday to see if they can tell what baby Smith is. I'm too be her first call after she leaves the doctor.
- Big brother just got a new job making $28 an hour.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I don't even know what to say. I've typed and deleted this thing a dozen times and I'm still at a loss for words. I'm not really good with feelings and stuff. Sunday night I had to repeatedly tell myself not to Throw anything and not to break anything. It was after all, my stuff. Why break my stuff in a fit of anger. But that's how I usually deal with my emotions, I'm very much like a child sometimes. So I swore and yelled and I called him a few unkind names and now I'm trying to move past all that. I'm still pissed. Pissed like anyone would be when their suspensions are confirmed. He just didn't WANT me. and then I cried myself to sleep.
My cousin didn't want to tell me, something about shielding me from it for as long as possible. Who could have known her in-laws (of all people) would bring it up to me, in a around about way. here's how that played out.
- buddy~ Amy wheres your boyfriend, and don't even say you don't have one you know what I'm talking about.
- Me~I don't have a boyfriend
- robin- Yeah! Wheres Mr. Ship (she didn't call him that) tonight?
- Me~ (laughing and rolling my eyes) He's not my boyfriend.
- Buddy~ Well where is he tonight he should be here.
- Me~ Oh he's out with his other girlfriend.
- robin~ He doesn't have a girlfriend, Missy does he have a girlfriend?
- Missy (my cousin)~ AHHH YES (she said it through clenched teeth I could hardly hear her.)
- Robin~ Oh.
end of conversation. I just sat there looking at the bonfire trying to process what she just said. I looked at her asked if that was true and she told me from what she knew he was seeing someone. OUCH. glad I went to that cookout. I'm even gladder he wasn't there with said new GF.
I don't begrudge anyone their happiness. I just didn't want him to find it before me. He's made me feel SO bad about myself SO many times, some knowingly some not I'm sure, that I just wanted to be the one to be happy first. I wanted him to realize he missed out (that's the high school girl coming out in me LOL). Now it doesn't matter.
Here is where all my real life friends/family would/will collectively sigh a disgusted sigh. He's not a bad guy. he isn't. I'm not saying he's the worlds greatest or anything. But he's not a bad guy. He deserves to be happy and happy never was, and never would have been, with me. I knew that. He knew that. Everyone knew that. We had a lot of good times together. I truly did care about him. So I'm glad he found someone and I hope she makes me him. To be honest I don't think he's been truly happy in a very LONG time. Maybe this is his time. I hope she treats him well. I hope she deserves him, because when he wants to be, he's a really great guy. And he deserves someone who will appreciate that.
I wonder how this will effect the Trace Adkins concert. As in, am I still going. I never paid for the ticket, because he told me I DIDN'T have to. So now I don't really have any legitimate claim to the ticket. DO i? hum? screwed yet again in the most unpleasant way.
And that's how I feel about that. for the most part.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
I've finished the last one.
Here's my problem with these books. The last one in particular. they build you up and build you up and than NOTHING happens. What 4 books of her begging him to do the deed with her and all we get is. They have sex and he gives her some bruises. COME ON! seems pretty run of the mill to me.
The whole ending to Breaking Dawn builds up to something and than BAMN nothing happens. I need an ending where EVERYONE either DIES or all their story lines are tied up.
So what happens to Jacob and the weird vamp/person baby? Does she grow up to an acceptable age where she can make it with said werewolf? This lady better churn out another book. I enjoyed the books. I could read them in no time and they had a pretty good story. I just figured out to much to quick and than spent 6 chapters waiting for her to get around the saying yeah thats what happens.
I hated Bella. What a cry baby brat. I thought she was lame-o.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Jules prior to the concert. The top image was the background with lights.
Told you. crappy pictures. but it's alive in my mind.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Now all I have to do is keep them alive. now the task begins.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
If you know me well you might know that I'm not a huge fan of Lay's. Baked or otherwise. Although the baked ones do have more substance. I just don't like them. See where I come from there are 2 chips and only 2 chips. Martins and Utz. I live with in 15 miles of BOTH chip plants. So there is no other chip. When i lived in Slippery Rock we didn't get Martins or Utz on that side of the state. Not until my last year there did i stumble upon a rack of Martins Potato Chips at the Super Wally World. My ex couldn't understand why I was filling the cart with 99 cent bags of some chip he had never heard of. He came around. His whole family came around.
to me lays are like a transparent poor excuse for a chip. But I eat the baked kind from time to time so I opted to try these. they are.......Interesting. They pack a little kick. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. good. sure. But I don't know if this is what I'm looking for from my chip. I like chips as a side to a great sandwich, or with some yummy dip. Not sure if I like my chips to burn the inside of my mouth and give me heartburn. I'll have to think about this.
excuse me, I need to refill my water bottle.
Monday, May 18, 2009
I'm so busy it's taken me literally a year to get to this post.
Ok. Let's see what I haven't done.
I did not take a sick day *cough cough* last week just for the hell of it. I didn't spend the day buying a new fishing rod, getting my Fishing license and helping Preggers move stuff. I wouldn't fake a sick day. EVER.
I'm not chomping at the bit for all the new release things coming up over the next few Weeks. Dane Cooks Isolated Incident on Tuesday, the New Terminator movie this weekend, And Drag me to hell the following weekend.
I didn't spend all afternoon Friday cleaning my apartment only to see it trashed again by Saturday.
Big brother, his gf, and Kanyon didn't come over for dinner Friday night and they surely didn't rave about my pork roast and carrots. We didn't all go on an after dinner walk around the fairgrounds while Kanyon rode his bike. And we surely didn't drive the stones throw tot he fairgrounds because BB was lazy.
I surely wouldn't have spent all day Saturday picking out flowers with my mom, potting them, finding plant holders I liked and redoing my porch to make a "porch oasis". I wasn't covered in dirty and potting soil and I never yelled at Kanyon once for playing with the hose and making a muddy mess.
I didn't chow down on pizza, even when i was already full because I love a yummy cheesy mess.
I'm not STILL over thinking my flower placement, and don't think I'll move them around anymore this week. you need balance right.
I'm not completely amped up for the Shinedown concert on Wednesday and I'm not thrilled about having dinner with Preggers and Jules and then hanging out at a concert. That doesn't sound like fun at all :)
So that is what I DID NOT Do or will NOT be DOING in the near future.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
I don't wish ill will on anyone. Well there was that one time, but I felt horrible and I repented and that was merely a freak coincident. But sometimes people are just bad. they are just not nice people. and it's nice to see someone get their "just dues". It's nice to see the high and mighty fall. Even if they don't fall as far as you would like to see them. It's still nice. Maybe I'm a bad person. Maybe I'm normal. Maybe she shouldn't have been such a jerk and I would feel different. But this in one time I WILL NOT apologies for being happy at someone else misfortune. Because her misfortune is still nowhere near my reality.
I found out today that my Boss. The fire breathing, feeling less, bi-polar, dictator, was LET GO! Yes my friends she was fired! FIRED! and I couldn't be HAPPIER. Say what you will, I'm sure this makes me a bad person. But I dealt with her first hand, I worked for her in constant fear along with my co-workers for SO LONG, she's a jerk. she never cared about anyone else, she SUCKED! I don't feel the slightest bit bad about it. I think she finally got what she deserved.
If you are feeling the need to feel sorry for her DON"T. She brags about how they don't need money and throws her expensive vacations (Egypt, China, London etc.) in our faces every chance she gets. She loved to let everyone know that instead of a traditional engagement ring she got a FORD MUSTANG for her finger. She is a jerk. She gave people a hard time if they needed more that 3 days to grieve the loss of a parent. She's a JERK. I say good riddance. Still feel bad read the blog about how she acted when i found out about our furlough. It's linked above.
She always brags about how they don't need the money and her husband makes so much money and they have a house in Hawaii blah, blah, blah, yeah don't feel so bad for them.
See ya JERK FACE, I hope you have a nice life, I'm just thrilled you aren't here anymore!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I have ( I believe) a rather good relationship with the majority of funeral directors in my county. I almost have to. I deal with them daily. And i have my favorites. The ones that always brighten my day, or I can laugh with on the phone.
One particular funeral home that I absolutely love is John H. Danner Funeral Home. Mr. Danner started the business and his wife, daughter, and grandson have all worked there. Mr. Danner was a hell of a guy. Hell of a guy. he often handled arrangements at no cost to families who just didn't have the money. He made little to no profit and they still are usually out more money then they'll ever make on the funeral. But Mr. Danner believed everyone deserved help. he was a hell of a guy. Working here at the obit desk I was able to form a relationship with Mr. Danner and his daughter Lucy. Lucy is great. She is one of the kindest people I've had the privilege of meeting through this job. She, much like her father, goes above and beyond the call of duty to help families during these hard times. Her father, Mr. Danner, passed away in August of 2007. hundreds of people showed up for the funeral. directors from every funeral home, attended. i remember one day Mr. Danner brought in a photo for an obit. It was a Sunday and I was here alone he talked about how he delivered the paper when he was young boy and how he didn't plan to attend any of the local minor league baseball games here in York, because according to him, "those big boys don't need my money, I'd rather give the money I would spend going to the game to the City little league's. i go to their games all the time. those kids have spirit."
Well today Lucy called me. With more bad news. Her mother, Mrs. Danner, had passed away. she was in ill health long before her husband passed away. no one thought she would be around this long. I expressed my sympathy and then cried as i typed her obit. It's sad.
Then I flipped over the newspaper and saw the bright smile of a 9 year old who was gunned down outside her house on Sunday. On MOTHER'S DAY. And why? why was this 9 year old gunned down. She happen to be playing outside on the sidewalk. The nerve of her. to be in the way when some "gang" members decided to take a fight from earlier that day to streets with guns. Because that's how mature adults handle disagreements. They gun down 9 year old girls. She was the only person reported hurt. Why?
finally on my spiral of downward feelings today i read about a hit and run accident (the women was an aunt of my co-worker). The women who was 83 was hit by a car while crossing the road in front of her house. On her 63rd WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. And they didn't stop. They just drove away and left her die in the street like a squirrel. How could you do that to someone. According to my co-worker they had to let the women's body in the street while the police came and marked the crime scene off. Her family had to stand their and see that. I just don't understand people.
I can understand natural death (to a point, don't get me started on poor Kayleigh, that I'll never understand) but it's when someone takes another life, and just leaves. That I can't understand. I don't understand what you could be so concerned about that you would live a human being laying on the sidewalk or in the road to die. i don't understand how you could live with yourself if you did.
So some days. the death. is. all. to much.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
After lunch (when Mom finally stopped talking) my cousin and i went to Hallmark to purchase mothers day cards. I picked up some flowers my omm wanted ever though I was POSITIVE they weren't what she really wanted. She said Black eyed Suzanne's, which is what they were listed as but weren't what we had before. Oh well I blame the nursery.
Saturday was a long and tiresome day. I went to visit my cousin and her family. She was pretty tired so i opted to take the monsters (twin 7 year old girls) out to play, while she laid down. We played wiffle ball for a while. then their 17 year old brother and his gf joined us and we played teams. With real bases....well sorta. First base was a pink plastic plate from the girls play house, second was a purple sand shifter from the sandbox, third was a broken frizbee, and home plate was a day glow green pelican sand box toy (nothing but the best for our baseball teams). the 17 year old and I dented the ball a few times (a lot) and you could hear the SMACK pretty far away. Good times.
We were sweaty and gross and muddy. Yeah it's rained here for a week so the ground was pretty soft and we all played barefoot, because (thats how this family rolls) I really didn't see any other way to play. After a couple hours of playing the 17 year old, his gf and I went to the Dairy Barn to get milkshakes forever one. Yummy Peanut butter milkshakes. So tasty. I'm pretty sure everyone in line were cussing us out in their heads because it took a while for them to make our 7 milkshakes.
When we got back to their house my cousin was awake and her husband had just gotten home, which meant. More people. More wiffle ball. We played till it got dark, and we were covered in mud. My feet were black.
I went home showered and passed out watching Saturday night live. But not before I saw JT dressed like an implant. TO FUNNY!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Hum-ding-er. So It thought about doing the "do you want a baby" prompt. But changed my mind. Kids are great. swell. fun times. but I'll hold off on them until. Well for a while yet.
So I've decided to do the "where will you go this summer" prompt. ENJOY!
Ahh summer Va-K. How I miss you! I can't even fathom when it was I last took a REAL honest to goodness summer vacation. Maybe the year before I graduated from college? I don't recall. Since college my summer vacations have been less then exciting. Seeing as I haven't had one. Oh how I long for the days of grade school, when all you did was vacation for 3 months around the house. Back in the day when your parents felt obligated to take you away somewhere nice for a week for "summer vacation". We went to the jersey shore. Yeah Big DREAMS huh.
Well If i could go away. anywhere I would like??? I would go somewhere warm! Somewhere sunny! Somewhere near the beach! Someplace like
Bali! WOW! how amazing would this be. blue skies, white sand and tri-color water. or maybe hereKey west. More in my fake price range. I can't afford a weekend camping trip to the local campground. But I would settle for Key West. If someone offered me a trip to Key West. I'd be there in no time.
However I'm sure my Summer Va-K will be spent a little closer to home.
Drinking away my sorrows and pain. If you squint just right, maybe close one eye, and bang your head off the table it sorta looks like the beach. Oh well a girl can dream. After 10 tequila shots everything's a BEACH.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
finally a nice day to climb a tree
Big brother (mine, not his) gave the branches a good shake to get the buds to shower down on him.
So here are a few of the pictures I got of him over the weekend. I want to use these in a photo book I want to make for Big Brother for Christmas. go over to 7 clown circus and see what everyone else is posting! I do. I love photos.
My nephew and Dad in front of Kanyons sign. The white paper at the top says "Kanyon did this" in case there was any doubt.
My dad was surprised when he came home. And I think he was really tickled. We planned to leave them up all day Saturday and Sunday but it started raining Saturday night and then all day Sunday and Monday so we brought the signs in. it was fun.
I took some pictures of my Nephew I'll use for wordless Wednesday.
WE had a great time but I was so beat by 8 p.m. I went home. I had another LONG day ahead of me with Preggers Shower on Sunday.