Post#94

Well folks I'm well on my way to post #100. I feel like I'm approaching a big milestone in my life.
~drivers license (check)
~register to vote (check)
~legal drinking age (check)
~ graduate from college (check)
~first big heart break (CHECK)
~ 25 year old mid life breakdown (check)
~buy my own car (check)
~reach my 100th blog (almost)

I know 25 and having a midlife crisis. But I was pretty devastated when i turned 25. My life wasn't exactly where i thought it would be by that age. And i was feeling pretty lousy about myself, and everything in my life. Hey Diane made that was my ahem moment. My defining moment.

I remember being so upset as it got closer to D-Day. I LOVE my birthday. I start the birthday countdown a month ahead. I remind everyone that it's coming up. I LOVE my birthday, but not that year. That year I wanted it to just skip past me. I wanted to go to sleep, and wake up 2 days later and be 25 and pretend like nothing happen. I love my birthday, however i don't have a very good history of having "happy birthdays". Someone or something ALWAYS messes up my day. The one day that's SUPPOSED to be about Yours truly, ends up going down in flames. Well my 25th birthday i don't even remember what might have happen that year. Everything runs together now. I just know that as it got closer I was physically sick to my stomach. I turned 25 while still living at home, working at a job i didn't really care for (still here), alone, while all my friends were engaged, getting married, popping out their spawns, and buy houses. My life. In my eyes. Was stink. stank, stunk!

I always THOUGHT I would met someone before I was 25, get married and live happily ever after. That was not what happen. Not even close. I moved home in May of 2005 at the age of 23. I had just left the town i called home for 5 years, the boyfriend who i thought was my happily ever after, and here i was back at my parents where i would live until the summer after my 25 birthday.

After the initial shock of turning 25 and having what I felt was "Nothing to show for it" I started to change my thinking. So what if i wasn't married and happy by 25. I decided i couldn't wait for other people to come into my life to make me happy. I would go it on my own. I looked at one apartment and moved in. I've been living by myself for over a year and a half now. I've spent time with different people, neither panned out (you all know Mr. Ship). I've tried to stop thinking about what I don't have. I DON'T have to be something just because everyone else thinks i do. I DON'T have to apologize for not fitting the mold. I try.

I'll never forget my friend from college who went with the GOAL to met someone and get married. And she did. she got married the Summer after she graduated. Right on schedule with what she THOUGHT was the norm. Both her sisters did that so she had to also. I remember sitting in my college apartment while she told me if i wanted to be married by 25 I better settle down fast if I want to date someone and be engaged for at least 2 years. DAMN. She really had this planned out. Somewhere I thought I had to fit that also. Guess what? I don't. And I'm slowly becoming OK with that. My friends and family still get annoyed when i say maybe I wont have my happily ever after. Some people don't. Some people never get married, never have kids. Maybe I will Maybe i wont. But only time will tell.

This is not what I planned to blog about today. at all. I planned to blog about my pending 100th post and how I have no clue what I'll do. Thanks for your suggestions guys! I'm think I might go for the 100 things about me. Do i know a 100 things about myself? I also liked your idea Melissa about trying to get a100 comments. That sounds hard so maybe i will try that along with my 100 things. Humm? We'll shall see. I think my 100th post will come sometime next week. So stay tuned! Keep your dial turned to the McMind Show!