Thursday, July 19, 2012

confessions from the dead desk

So Mama Kat's one prompt hit me HARD.

4.) You’ve been offered a book deal! Now what are you going to write about?

Easy smeasy. I'm writing about my job. It's never a dull day at the Obituary Desk.

There's just something about death that makes people get all.......CRAZY. It's been my privilege over the last 5 years to deal with all levels of crazy here at the dead desk.

Before everyone gets all "oh have some compassion for these poor people in their hour of need".......come work here. We'll see how compassionate you are after a full moon week.

There was an obit once that said
  1. He was a member of AA (...........kind of defeats the whole anonymous part.)
  2. She really enjoyed her cell phone.
  3. She was a mean hearted person to her children and in-laws.
  4. She made the Worldest best apple pie. (PROVE IT GRANDMA!!!)
I could talk about the women who called ranting about an obit for a gentleman who she was and I quote "Happy he finally kicked the can cause he was a real son of a bitch"

I could talk about the family feuds. I can't count on one hand the number of times that  we have run multiple obits for the same person placed by separate family members because they can't all agree who should be listed as children and who should be listed as step children. And EVERYONE thinks we care to hear their side of the story...WE DON'T.

If I had a dollar everytime someone called in to give me payments and asked if I needed ALL the number on the credit card........nahh just give me 4 and I'll just pick some and see what happens!

I could talk about the number of times I've run obits that lists and ex spouse, current spouse, and a companion......really People. Really?

People tell us all kinds of things. Last week a gentleman told me his dog shit all over his wife in bed...and then the dog died.

What in the world. Sometimes I really think I'm living a real life version of the Truman Show becasue this life can't be real.

Friday, July 13, 2012


So I've made some progress on the wedding front.

Last Friday I found a pair of shoes for ........wait for it........$12. Yup! and they are very cute with a nice chunky heal so I'm taller! And will most likely not fall down and break my face in them so that's a huge plus.

All the invitations are done, stuffed, stamped and the labels are being printed....momentarily, once Mister Snarky finishes his stuff. I had to buy stamps today, holy cow! $54 for stamps. My invites only cost $75 lol.
The programs are about 90% done.

We have an OFFICIANT which is always helpful if want things to be "legal".

I made hair appointments for the day of for myself and the four wonderful bridesmaids....Jessica and Rebecca are 10 they aren't getting up dos. but i did but them cute headbands with yellow flowers for in their hair. That's enough for them.

The guys are tentatively doing their tux fittings tomorrow.

Mom and I have plans for this coming Friday to go dress shopping for her. That. Should. Be. Fun.........and by fun i mean a freaking  NIGHTMARE! But I'm going to try and remember count to 10 then knock her over the head when she gets on my nerves........wait, that doesn't sound like the advice the doctor gave me for dealing with my anger.

And I've finally decided what to do about who's walking me down. So that's DONE.

the rest of the things I ordered came in the mail this week. It was like Christmas up in here. I could get used to that....maybe everyone could just start sending me free stuff cause I'm kind of tired of paying for things. The memoriam candle holders I ordered for his parents and my dad came. I was so excited until i noticed the box with my dad's had his name written on the box and it was spelled wrong......... I saw red. Pretty sure it was red. I didn't know what to think. i started opening and unwrapping the holder and was relieved to see that his name was indeed spelled correctly where it mattered. Oh thank god. Cause the people at The Wedding Outlet were about to get one very unhappy call from me.

Still lots to do........56 days to go

Thursday, July 12, 2012

7 sucky things about being an adult

  1. No one to cook me dinner. While I enjoy eating ice cream for dinner sometimes (like an good adult should). Sometimes I just want some good old fashion down home mom made. So I've been working very hard to train trick my soon to be hubby into making dinner all the time.
  2. Work blows. Man oh Man give me a lunch box and some gym shorts and send me back to school. What were we thinking! School is where it's at. this working 8 hours a day for a few dollars is highly overrated. I mean really........where mom and dad's rules so absurd we had to hurry up and grow up so we could move out. I would KILL at counting and coloring if i could go back to school.
  3. Sure I can throw my socks all over the floor and leave wrappers on the table, cause I'm an adult and I don't have to CLEAN UP. but the downfall to that plan is that if you live in filth NO ONE is going to want to come over and then you will be forced to CLEAN a whole bunch of crap up to get your social life back on track. So we really must clean, and not just some laundry people. Dusting. Vacuuming. Dishes. blah blah blah
  4. At some point you will get to the point in your life where you MUST sniff a kids butt to figure out if he pooped. It'll be a bright spot in your day.
  5. Punishment is much worse when you're an adult. Apparently we are "supposed to know better", so when we mess up it's hard to come back from. Oh you broke moms vase, that's OK she cleans it up and maybe you get grounded. Fast forward to Oh missed the alarm over slept and your car broke down on the way to work...AGAIN. You're Fired.
  6. Bills Bills Bills. And I don't mean the football team. Life was easier when my only bill was the money I owed the lunch lady. Rent, electric, water and sewer (really), car payments, just keeps going! And they seem to be a stickler for being on time these days. If i didn't pay the lunch lady she wrote my name on a slip and we paid the next day........If i don't pay my car payment, my car gets repoed and I'm not lucky enough to end up on the show Repo Games, so that car is gone. I would KILL at the show!
  7. Sooner or later.......if you're lucky you are responisble for caring for and shaping the next generation. And I cna't think of a more pressure filled job than that!
Go see Mama Kat!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

feelings of blah

I've been a mess a lately. and Not a hot mess. just a pure honest to goodness mess.

It's just been a one of those days months. Yes months. I'm miserable all around......and I'm not sure why.

I should be on top of the world. but I've been acting like a world class B*tch.

I don't know if it's just the stress of wedding stuff, work, or just a bad attitude.

Friday, July 6, 2012

is this crunch time????

Today at 3 p.m. we will be 63 days away from WEDDING DAY.

We've accomplished a lot of things but at the same time we have SO MUCH to do.

I was reminded by my BFF/ maid of honor that this is crunch time. Sunday will be the 2 month mark.

2 months. oh man. I should have done things a bit differently. Like made a game plan from the get go. But I didn't.

This is what I gathered from our conversation last night. I need to do the following
  1. Get bra and slip
  2. pick a hair style
  3. make dress appointment so i can get my alterations started.
  4. send out invites (would be going out today  but I'm still waiting for one last detail)
  5. buy shoes
  6. guys need to go for their tux fittings
  7. Finish centerpieces thankfully I unloaded my maid of honor is helping with that
  8. Figure out who will be walking me down
#8 has been a thorn in my side since Jeremy uttered the words "will you marry me". Conversations with my mom have consisted of "Have you decided yet" "What are you going to do" "You aren't replacing your dad" "You need to figure it out, you don't have much time" "If it's not your brother you need to give the person time to get a tux" "I told the minster you need to talk about this" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Last night my BFF/maid of honor said "Have you decide who's going to walk you down yet, cause it's crunch time Amy"

My answer every time is I'm not concerned about it. Not because it's to hard for me to deal with....don't get me wrong it breaks my heart that my dad isn't here, but since he can't do it I don't really care. i don't have a strong feeling towards who i want to do it. My brother is already in the wedding so he can do it. my uncle is the only other person I would consider asking but honestly it doesn't matter to me anymore. No one can replace my Dad, so I don't care who does it. I love my brother and my uncle so either would be great for me. But I don't have a preference. So i wish they would just figure it out on their own.

Other stuff we need to do
  1. Buy candy, bags and containers for the candy bar.
  2. Take Scott to pick out the sand we need for the sand ceremony.
  3. find a hair dresser.
  4. go shopping with mom for her dress
  5. put together favor type things
  6. order flowers
  7. get grooms gift
  8. grooms cake
  9. SHIT!!!!!! That's a lot of stuff

Tuesday, July 3, 2012


So we had our first real family photo taken. We have a few candid shots of Jeremy, Scott and myself, but it;s nice to have a real family photo. We also got a few shots of Scott alone and then with each of us. All in All they turned out very nicely. Enjoy
 First family photo

 Jeremy and Scott

 Scott and I. I really like this picture :)

He seems so grown up in this picture. this was my favorite of him by his self.