Friday, October 31, 2008

Halloween machine

I'm Ms. Pac Man!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Our work group went as Pca Man, Ms. Pac Man, a dot, a ghost, and a cherry. it was great. I will post pictures tomorrow. Please check back they rock!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Top Ten

Choose a prompt:1.) Write from the point of view of a glass at the edge of the table.2.) Describe a typical day during your Jr. High years.3.) Why do you write?4.) When I'm around too much negativity I...5.) You've been hired as a writer for "Late Show with David Letterman." Your first assignment is to come up with a witty, nonpolitical Top Ten list for him to read on air.

I went with the Top Ten List. I often feel I'm wasting my god given talent here at the death desk.

Top Ten signs you are a bad winner/loser.

10. You are constantly reminded that pictonary is not a contact sport.

9. No one wants to be on the other team.

8. Family game night resembles Custer’s Last Stand.

7. You’v been asked to leave the grocery store after going double for nothing with the bag boy in a Bag-A-Thon.

6. When your team wins you rip off your shirt and run around the house topless, screaming “BAWH YEAH NANA!”

5. You’v been known to push kids on the playground during red light green light (you are not a child)

4. You use the letter for Sategories to smack talk the other players.

3. You tore off your costume threw it on the floor, stomped all over it and then demanded a recount when you did’t win 1st place at your work Halloween costume party.

2. You’re banned from all local trivia nights and few in the tri-state area.

1. You’v over turned a chair and called all your friends to brag that you, chest bumped a 5 year old and yelled “In your face” while pounding him in the chest with your finger, after beating him at TROUBLE.

I'm guilty of a few and YES I am guilty of #1. in my defense my nephew always wants to play TROUBLE and he ALWAYS wins. I came close so many times but he wins in the end. So the one time I won I might have gotten a little carried away. I jumped up, knocking over the dinning room chair, called his father and left him a voicemail that went something like this, "Hey I beat Kanyon at TROUBLE! Call me back". then I chest bumped my nephew, which was more like a rough push, got down in his face pushed my finger into his chest and yelled, "HAHA I won IN YOUR FACE. He took it surprisingly well. He put his hand on his hip, cocked his head to the side, looked me right in the face, and said "why don't you cry about it ya big baby". then walked out. And for all of you who say, to far Amy to far. I would do it all again!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Lurking BEHIND the door

WOW Grandma I think you'll do more then scare them. Scar them for life, give them a grandma complex, provide them with hours of quality therapy time, totally confusse them about where you should have hair and where you shouldn't (whats with her hairy toenail?), give them a very wrong impression about the human body thus crashing their world when they see a real naked women at the age of 16, cause them to rethink approaching strangers and asking for shit (wait that could be a good thing). Go Grandma. you could single handedly stop the next generation from becoming homeless people begging on the street corner with funny signs.

P.S. Where the hell did you get that huge lollipop? I'm sure Grandpa didn't give it to you. Like her ass would still be that perky.

I need a belt!

WHOA! Finally a sec to grab my late lunch/ tide me over till dinner meal. I’m famished. We’ve been so busy here on the dead desk, what with employee of the month off on vacation and Mama Bear off on bereavement, I swear I might lose my mind. First there’s no buffer for me and Golden Child, and after the first day I already want to strangle her with her bright orange scarf. DO NOT STRANGLE CO-WORKER WILL ONLY CAUSE MORE WORK FOR YOU! I need to keep reminding myself of that one. Second we have 170+ sheriff sales that need to be entered by next Thursday, legal notices, obits, and I still have to find time to throw together an expectable celebrations page for Sunday. Christ oh mighty. And while there’s always a chance for the golden child to take a break, eat her lunch, and read the paper. I have to pray the obits let up long enough for me to woof down my soup. I finally just caught myself up with everything but I have a ton of memoriams to put together before I leave today and I’m hoping to knock out some sheriff sales. Busy busy busy. I have no idea how we will get everything done without doing some OT and my boss would rather give away her unborn child and give us extra money. The only plus side is this EXCELLENT SOUP! It’s Progresso tomato rottini (or whatever), it’s great.
I’m pretty bummed out about Halloween. We have a costume party and parade at work and last year Golden Child, Mama Bear and myself were the 3 blind mice. It was great! We won for best group. This year we were all prepared to knock their socks off as a Barrel of monkey’s. Btu due to some unforeseen event’s (Mama Bears mama passed away Thursday) we have decided to forgo the idea, without our barrel we would just be a bunch of lost monkey’s. So now I’m idealess for a costume. I don’t think I’m dressing up anymore. And I don’t know if I’m going to any real Halloween parties either. Kinda sad. I can always bust out the cheap and lame cowgirl costume (me in jeans with a cowgirl hat). I don’t know. I’ll see. Well off to do sheriff sales (I feel like the scum of the earth doing sheriff sales). Sorry if you are losing your house.

I need a belt, started as an inside joke between myself and some college freinds. We saw and episode of Law and Order where a guy hung himself from the foot board of his bed with a belt. Whenever we were having a horrible time or happen to be really bored we would say "I need a belt" "does anyone have a belt" A belt would be great right now" ect. That way the other would know THIS SUCKS! WEll I need a belt!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Assorted candy already nibbled on

It's rainy and gross here today in the great commonwealth of PA. It's Saturday but due to some stupid reasons, I'm here at my lovely place of employment! Hip hip Hooray! So since I'm stuck here. and it's raining. And I'm bored I decided to do a post about all the things I love in life. Here goes.
I love my cousins Jessica and Rebecca and my nephew Kanyon. But I don't think I'll have another sleepover with the 3 of them for awhile.

Martins Kettle cooked BBQ chips! Oh martins how I missed you when I lived far away from your yummy goodness. I couldn't believe how hard it was to find a decent chip. LAYS suck! Those aren't chips, those are thin semi-transparent cuts of a potato like substance. Screw you LAYS.

I love (incase you live under a rock) the STEELERS! more so I love TROY. How do you not love a guy that goes flying across the field like a missle. He rocks.

Ahh Myrtle Beach, SC., so MANY memories. So many memories. I heart MBSC!

I loved my time in Western PA. I'll never regret going to SRU. I had a blast while I was there. My heart belongs to Slippery Rock

I'm such a sucker for some good reality tv. Project Runway and Top Chef, I don't feel so guilty about because those shows have people with real talent. But I love The Hills, Rock of Love and all the Real World/Road Rules challenges.
Last but not LEAST my BEST FRIEND (until I ran this picture perhaps). I did however blur out her face so I think it's ok. Bubba I miss you!

So those are a few of the things I love.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

I would walk 500 miles.......

I choose #1 off Mama Kat’s prompt list this week.

I would walk a mile for……

Good food. I love my food. I know I shouldn’t eat the things I do. But come on if it’s covered in butter, deep fried, made with cheese, involves fresh seafood, cow, or anything else yummy, I WANT IT. I love going to restaurants and trying new things. I LOVE food.

My friends and family. There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for those people. After putting up with me for so many years I think the least I can do is walk a mile for them.

Sex. Honestly I would run a mile for that one. And I’m not a runner. I’m human, I’m single, and I don’t pass that up.

The chance to meet Troy Polamalu. I’m a huge Steelers. I blame the 5 or so years I spent in western Pennsylvania. Troy has always been my favorite, he rocks on the field and his energy is insane. Plus come on who doesn’t love that hair. I would willingly walk a mile or more to meet him. Hell I’d do one of those crazy radio contest to meet him. You know the kind where you can’t take your hand off (in this case) the helmet and you have to outlast everyone else. I could do that. I can hold my pee for a crazy long time.

I would walk a mile for…….. (incase you forgot what I’m talking about)

A farther parking spot from the door. I hate getting involved in the whole mess of parking up close to the door. People can be so crazy in parking lots. I’ll walk to the distance to avoid the headache.

Butter Pecan ice cream. It’s my favorite and very comforting when I’m down and out.

Relaxation. I love walking on the beach with my feet in the sand; nothing is more relaxing for me then that. Unfortunately I don’t get to the ocean much since I live in the wonderful landlocked commonwealth of PA, so I have to settle for walking around my neighborhood.

A really great gift for someone else. I like to give meaningful gifts and they aren’t always on the shelf at Bath and Body. Sometimes my quest for the “right gift” takes me far away.

And finally, I would walk a mile for the chance to see my Pappy again. I was in college (5 hours away) when he got sick and while he held on long enough for me to spend sometime with him in the summer, I’ll always wish I could have been there more. He was diagnosed with colon cancer in Feb and passed the following Oct. Seven months and he was gone. I’ll always wish I had been home when he passed away and not received the news alone in my dorm room after Sunday brunch. While I was out celebrating and partying for homecoming Saturday night he was fading away. I would walk a mile to see him again. I would walk forever.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Creepy kids


I completely forgot that I wanted to stick up some pictures of my twin terror cousins. I hosted a Halloween party for the little kids in my family and assorted others. Yeah I just referred to the other kids as assorted like their a bunch of Hershey's bars. Jessica, Rebecca and my nephew Kanyon were the whole reason this lamo party was founded. This year marked our 3rd annual Halloween Fest. And it also marked the first time Jessica and Rebecca wouldn't be there. Now the twins are actually my second cousins, there mother Melissa is my cousin and one of my dearest most important friends. That being said God love her, she's a flack. She never returns calls and most of the time I want to give her a good hard kick in the rear. But she's family and I tell her EVERYTHING even the things she doesn't want to know. Even the things I tell everyone I never tell. I tell her. She's always been more like a big sister to me, be it an undependable big sister (but I'm used to that I have a real big brother that fits that) and I love her. I was so excited when she became pregnant with the twin terrors. I whine a lot about them, but their good kids. not great kids, but good. I hangout with them as often as i can. We have sleepovers, play dates, I even took them to their first movie, Ice Age II. I've never missed a birthday and I have ALBUMS devoted to them. Their mother's 8 years older then me, but I have so many memories of growing up with her. I want them to look back and remember all the fun shenanigans we got into. Between the terrors and my nephew I'm all kidded out. Those 3 are by far the best birth control I've found. Once I give them back I remember how unready I am for children. Well thankfully the girls did make it to the party. and leave it up to them to come as a DEAD BRIDE and a DEAD PROM QUEEN. Children after my own heart!

Rebecca --->

Attention Dear and Wonderfully Stupid Customers

Disclaimer: If I did’t know better I would think the full moon was upon us again. The customers here at the paper have been extra odd and the amount of stupid things we hear is astronomical. So I’v decided to issue this memo to post on our doors.

Attention YNC customers

We ask that if at any point you feel you might say something stupid you refrain. Now since many of you think YOU are not the people we are referring to (trust us you are) we have devised a list of ways for you to find out if you are the offending customer.

1.At any point on your way in here today someone has to ask you to please move your motorized wheel chair out of the street.

2.If you came into place an application and after looking at the RECEPTIONIST and CLASSIFIED signs you choose to approach the CELEBRATIONS desk. While you might see your chance at procuring a job as a celebration. We don’t.

3.When asked what kind of ad you are placing you respond “the kind in the paper”. We need to know if it’s a memoriam, celebrations, an obit, a display ad, or a classified ad.

4.If you have information about a story, want to pay for your paper, buy a paper, complain about your service, yell at someone for no reason, buy the school house book, have your photo taken or pick up a photo used in a story, fill out an application, drop off a letter to the editor, or inquire about when something ran in the paper GO TO THE RECEPTIONIST DESK. I repeat GO TO THE RECEPTIONIST DESK.

5.If placing an ad where you want to sell something, buy something, offer a service, have a yard sale ads, sell a pet OR anything else that you would place in the classified section of the paper GO TO THE CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING COUNTER.

6.If you plan on running an ad in TODAY’S paper do not even bother coming in. We publish our morning paper the night before and the evening paper goes to print around 8:30 in the morning. You are too late better luck next time.

7.If we have just finishing explaining when your ad will run do not ask us if that means the morning paper too. If we said morning then yes it means the morning paper. Please pay attention we are not talking to hear ourselves talk.

8.If you have a habit of stealing pens, we don’t want you here.

9.If it’s October and you’re still having a yard sale, just give the shit away to Good will already. If you’re having a yard sale anytime just turn around and leave. We hate you.

10.If you place your child on the counter next to, near, or on top of the sign that reads DO NOT PLACE CHILDREN ON THE COUNTER, this memo is directed at you.

11.If you have no clue what the ad is going to say, please turn around go home. Think about what you are selling and what you want to say. The longer you stand at the counter with no clue only confirms your stupidity in our eyes.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Mail call

Well I've done it, I've sent my first pen pal letter. EVER. I think I did pen pals with some kid when i was in high school. If i remember correctly I was senior and the kid was in kindergarten or first grade at the elementary school. It was for parenting class, not something I choose to do on my own. I might have had a boy or a girl I can't remember. I have a vague memory of going and making gingerbread houses with the pen pal class. And Rice Krispy treats. I ate some of those there. Hum? Is this a memory or a holiday cereal commercial? Not sure. I'll claim it as a memory because it sounds like it might have been fun, if it really happen. Oh stop. So maybe i don't remember for sure what happen that day at Lincolnway elementary, but i remember making the Rice Krispy treats after school the day prior to our trip. I remember that i was also doing volunteer work at the city school helping kindergartners learn their letters and going on field trips with them. I was busy. So shoot me. But I'm giving the pen pall idea another shot. My first letter was probably pretty darn boring. I didn't know what to talk about. The web site said to keep the letters happy and upbeat. any ideas for my next letter? What if my pen pal hates me? what if he thinks my penmanship stinks. He would be right about that. Actually the first line in my letter said "sorry about the handwriting". I would type my letters but that seems so much less friendly.

I saw a few lone spiders sniffing around the abandoned webs today. Whats up with that?

Here is where I will Shameless plug my friends website. If you love slap stick humor? Random videos and crazy stuff then please stop by and check out Mike and Stefan's website at it's great. I would recommend not doing it at work I always end up on the floor from laughing so hard. My boss seems to have a bit of a problem with that, but who cares. check out the archived videos I love the lonely gorilla and driving wile being interrogated. funny stuff.

I love fall. But I hate the cold. Brrr. it's cold.

Monday, October 20, 2008

so far so good

The old me would have been a mean mess. The old me would have stared intently at the tv like the baseball game was mesmerizing. The old me would have said NOTHING until well after all the excitement passed and the offending “happy duo” left. But that was the old me. The new me, knew ahead of time what lied in wait behind the door and while I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle it I knew how I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t let it be known that I was uncomfortable or pissed. I would act normal (as normal as I can) and not sit there stewing in self-pity and anger. I could have acted that way. It would’ve been completely justified, but I didn’t. I acted dare I say grown up. Well maybe not. Grown ups “should” confront the problem and talk about it. So I’m not that grown up. I prefer to ignore the problem and let my anger fester inside until I’m beating the crap out of a piñata at a child’s party. But by no means would he know I was upset about it, not with her around.
Ready for the background story? Girl (me) likes guy. We have great no commitment fun even though girl is VERY AWARE she isn’t any good at no commitment situations. Girl stays over at guys house (repeatedly) and he talks all kinds of crazy things about how great she is and how he likes her but he’s bad at relationships and he knows that in the end he’s going to hurt her and he doesn’t want to do that but he’s sorry ahead of time. Girl is very confused. 2 weeks later girl comes home from trip to find out guy is now dating new girl. And I’m PISSED! He didn’t want a girlfriend and he’s not good at relationships? Really. Well new girlfriend came out of NOWHERE, he’s thrilled about dating her and she is there all the time at his place, at his job, just there. Hum? Interesting. So due to the fact that he lives with my friend’s boyfriend and we all hangout it was only a matter of time till I had to interact with him again, and with her. I handled it well. I wont lie I would have loved a nice stiff VODKA and cranberry, hold the cranberry, after seeing them Saturday night. Together. At his place. So happy. Oh Joy! We talked about the concert I had just gone to and other small talk. I did not at any point talk to her. I was proud of myself. Everyone says I should confront him, tell him I’m pissed, but there’s no way I’m doing that in front of the girlfriend. Or anyone else for that matter. I’m not that dramatic. And to showcase exactly how mature I am, the only thing I would’ve changed about the encounter would be I would’ve had an insanely hot and awesome guy with me, to show off. I don’t want him to think I’m sitting at home crying over Ben and Jerry’s (which I haven’t done). But honestly I doubt he even thinks about me and what a royal class jerk he was. Or maybe he does because he didn’t seem to thrilled when he saw the week I came home and found out about the gf. That’s the week he didn’t charge me for my drink at the bar. What a stand up guy, “sorry I kicked you the face have a free coke.” THANKS! I can totally overlook everything else now.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Not so Ittys bittys

I might have or not mentioned the slight spider infestation I’m experiencing. Well I have photo documentation of that wonderful thing right here. Those black spots, yup SPIDERS. You might be alarmed to know the other night upon returning home from a long day at of work 25 spiders confronted me on my porch. Yes my friends I said 25! My immediate response se was to run into my apartment slam the door lock it and call my friend. See somehow word spread amongst the arachnid network that my porch was the place to be; a safe haven for 8-legged insects. Please let me make this completely clear, it IS NOT NOR HAS IT EVER BEEN A SAFE HAVEN for spiders. I thought I had an unspoken agreement between the original 3 spiders that lived there all summer and myself. You don’t bug me or build your webs where I walk and I wont knock them down and stomp on you. I provided them with a nice porch and railing to build their spidery masterpieces and they kept the bug population in check. Win win right? Yes and no. It worked well until 2 new spiders showed up and messed it all up. They decided to build in front of my door, which was not allowed. In a drunken rage I took my outside broom and knocked down all the webs and stepped on one of the spiders. I also believe I muttered the words “tell your friends”. That is roughly the same time the REST showed up. Maybe they called in re-enforcements, maybe they brought in the big guns to try and strong arm me. I was concerned. Why lie, I was afraid! I was very afraid. Over night I went from 5 spiders to 25 spiders. I started to fear walking up my steps to my door. I didn’t know what (or how many) would be waiting for me up there. I started having trouble sleeping. I blame myself. I’ve seen so many low budget horror movies I started to believe that they might actual toil all night and cocoon me in my apartment and then feed off me all winter. I’m a big girl they could feed on me until spring. I checked around my door and I always checked my jacket and hair when I came inside. Well I noticed last night (when I came crawling home from the bar) that the spiders weren’t around. Humm? Interesting then I passed out. Today when I left for work I noticed the weds around the light were falling apart and there were no spiders to be found. It looked like a spider ghost town of abandoned webs. I was wondering when the weather would get cold enough to send them wherever they go for winter. I’m fine with them leaving. I’m not sure what spiders do in the winter. Do they cocoon themselves and hibernate? Do they die? Do they pack up and snow bird it down to Florida? I don’t care what they do or where they went, as long it wasn’t into my APARTMENT. Now I’m worried about that. I don’t have nearly enough place settings for 25-house guest. Hopefully they don’t take to long getting ready in the morning. Geez.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Party all the time

Well the party was a hit as it always is. I spent hours (literally) HOURS decorating, cleaning and setting up the haunted trail. Huge thanks to my brother (please jot this down somewhere it doesn't happen often) for coming over today and helping with the outside decorations and lights. I couldn't have done it without him. It was great having someone there to help me set up. My brother NEVER comes through for me but he did today. So Thanks Sparky! My favorite party of the night was the pinata. WE had 9 kids make it to the party and each got about 3 different chances to whack the skull. Each turn they had three good hits, and let's be honest I usually let them swing till they made contact at least 3 times. Well after about 15-20 minutes of whacking it but not breaking it I took a turn and knocked the candy guts out of that son of a bitch. It felt GREAT! They loved hot pumpkin. they loved it last year and I actually have to tell them No we can't play it for a 5Th time. If i had to listen to the Monster Mash one more time I was going to start mashing children. You would have thought they were watching sponge bob debate Hannah Montana those kids never took their eyes off the pumpkin. If they only concentrated that hard in school. the parents were thrilled not only did I SUGAR their kids up but I also gave each of them a pumpkin shaped whistle to take home. YOU'RE WELCOME! After the the game of hot pumpkin I called it quits on the games and set them out to the haunted trail. the trail consisted of a wagon ride around the graveyard where the gravedigger was waiting for his next body. Past the witch who was brewing skull soup, and around the ghost and flying goblin. Thanks to some of the parents who offered to hide and scare the kids. That was great, sorry about the whistle thing. My brother drove the tractor that pulled the wagon and those darn kids talked him into driving them around the trail 5 times. Nothing is better then hearing 9 kids screaming at the same time. Funny past each kid had an idea for me for next year. So I'm assuming there will be a party next year. They had a blast so it was worth all the work I did today. I only had one breakdown and that was after I went to 3 different stores looking for orange and black crape paper. I mean HELLO you should have a huge stock of that it's HALLOWEEN, HELLO! I couldn't leave the ceiling partially done. Sparky eith the trailer full of kids!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Step 4 to a newish me

If you read the post earlier this week (I think sunday) where I talked about the newish me then you’ll be thrilled to know I’ve found my step 4. Controlling my anger towards other people was a good idea, but I’m not sure I’ve progressed that far yet. I’ve decided to stay on that path and after watching a special on the local news the other night I knew what to do. I searched the Internet for the right fit and found (fingers crossed) a site that seemed to provide me with what I was looking for. I’ve decided to participate in an adopt a solider program.

I just received the name and address for a solider and a list of things I can send in a care package. I’m really excited to be able to do something for them. My goal is to set some money aside each month so I’m able to send 1 box a month along with as many letters as my little tiny hand can write. I thought about typing my letters, which let’s be honest is the better idea my hand writing is horrific and my spelling isn’t much better, but I would rather have a good old fashion honest to god hand written letter. So that’s what I’ll send. It says you can give them your email address so they can email you so I’ll try that also and maybe a blog list for his reading enjoyment. So this my friends is step 4.

I was slightly concerned that all the sites reiterated the fact that they are NOT DATING SERVICES. Who does that? Who becomes a pen pal with a solider over seas in an attempt to find love? I would hope those kind of lonely individuals would just pen pal some random convict in the pen not a solider. People today I swear.

I’ve lost 2.5 lbs since I started working towards the newish me. And everyone likes the hair so I’m thrilled. I have a huge weekend of childish fun planned. Well one day of childish fun. I’m throwing Halloween party for my nephew and a few other kids tomorrow. I am not a parent, and much respect is given out to all the parents I know, but I like to have fun with the kids and see them smile. This will be the 3rd annual Halloween party and I’ve set the bar high. Unfortunately due to lack of enthusiasm from pretty much all the parents I almost canceled this year. That was until my 5-year-old nephew looked me in the face and said, “I can’t wait for the party! When is it? Can we have a piñata? Can we play pass the pumpkin. I didn’t like the gooey guessing game…..(and so on),” an suddenly the party was on. I can’t stand disappointing the kids, my family, my friends, strangers on the street no problem. But disappointing my nephew and his little friends, ouch that kills me. So I spent 2 ½ hours decorating today and still have a ton of work to do tomorrow before the slue of power rangers, star wars people, assorted princesses and witches trickle into the party. We have pin the nose on the pumpkin, pass the pumpkin (always a hit), the piñata, and a haunted trail. Good clean kiddy fun. Hopefully the party is a hit, even though I spent way less time preparing this year. I’ll try to have some photos up after for your viewing pleasure.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

#2 for 600 Alex

Time to pick a prompt and go to town

1.) Recall a time when you did something to get noticed. Write about it.
2.) Begin with “I wish someone told me…”
3.) If you could rearrange three things about your life what would they be?
4.) What do you love to create?

I wish someone would have told me that you don't really have to wait 30 minutes after eating before you slash back into the pool. Think of all the swimming hours I've lost. I'll never be able to make those all up now and trying will surely induce a cramp. I'm a big girl I'll sink.

I wish someone told me that BBQ sauce and cheese will fix any kitchen dinner/ lunch disaster. That statement might not ring true for breakfast of desert accidents I think that depends on the cook and honestly how much you might have been drinking at the time. I'll have the apple pie a la BBQ sauce.

I wish someone told me that I don't have to be so hard on myself because their are plenty of know-it-all people around me who are more then willing to be judge and jury on my every move and action. They often say YOU are your biggest critic, those people must not have co-workers, bosses, bitter friends, parents, nosy neighbors, or siblings.

To bad nobody told me that I was allergic to Dial Soap, I could have avoided that whole rash incident and my naval ring might still be in.

I wish someone would have told me that making out with a football player and a rugby player in one week was a sure why to end up with mono. Oh the glory days of college. Please the one time I act even remotely slutty I end up with mono and fail a few courses. Why me?

I wish someone told me I would need to move back home with my parents after college. A girl needs to prepare herself for that torture.

I wish someone told me to calm down and breath before I kick the screen door in a fit of rage leaving the door a bit more screen less. For that matter I wish someone told me to calm down and let things slide more often I don't need to get mad about everything.

I wish someone would have mentioned that I wont always have money to do things I want, while still trying to be young fun and independent.

I wish someone told me I was pretty more often. A girl can never hear that to much.

I wish someone told me I was smart more then they told me I was pretty. It's not always easy to be smart and witty. I sure don't have the drop dead looks for that to be overlooked.

I wish someone told me to stop procrastinating and just do it. Whatever it is, just do it. Well someone other then Nike.

I wish someone told me I wasn't going to be successful straight out of college. I wish someone told me about the dead end jobs I would work at.

I wish my mom would tell me I'm fine the way I am instead of telling me the things I need to change to be "better". To be what she thinks I should be.

I wish someone told me how to stop falling for guys who don't care about me. If I didn't know any better (and maybe I don't) I would think they all know each other. Like it's one big Mess with Amy McMean Club (M.A.M.C.).

I wish someone told me to buy new shoes, mine are gross.

I wish someone told me to smile more....wait I get that a lot.

Bar or work?

That is the question. Today is my brothers birthday or as he referred to it “His special day”. That was actually the defense he used at 11 a.m. today to justify being at the bar. Below is the conversation we had.

Ring ring (I’m calling him)
Birthday boy~ “HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMY!”
Me~ “Hey, wait what? Happy Birthday brother. Are you at work”
BB~ No I’m at the Pine (local seedy bar)
Me~ Whoa. It’s 11 a.m. little early for the bar isn’t it.
BB~ No. It’s my special day. You should come up.
Me~ I’m on my way.

Now I feel the need to explain that I DON’T usually go to the bar at 11 a.m. b ut hey, it was his special day. Off to the Pine I go. I had a beer (I don’t usually have beer before work) and shot some pool. My brother was well on his way to a good buzz and his girlfriend was slightly sloshed, at 11 a.m. may I remind you. He makes my parents proud one day at a time. I actually rationalized why it would be ok to drink 2 beers before work but I reminded myself I hadn’t eaten an opted to stick to just one Coors Light. I cleaned up at pool. I’m sort of a pool shark and by sort of I mean not all. I like to play. I’m not very good but I can make some shots. I have my days. Today was a good day. I ran the table for a while but I always lose in the end. What can I say; sometimes I blow my load early. I left the Pine at exactly 12:25 and needed to be at work at 12:30. Oops. I rolled in here to the death desk around 12:36 pretty good time for crossing Rt. 30 with 5-6 lights between the bar and here. I wanted to stop at the golden arches for a smiley meal, but I couldn’t justify being later for a cheap toy and some nuggets. Strange I could justify being late for a beer and some pool. Priorities? Needless to say 1 beer on an empty stomach downed in about 5 minutes makes even me a little off. I stuffed my face with a cheap pretzel sandwich from the machine in the break room. My options were slim and I only had $2 left from the bar. Well $2 and a ten, and trust me the last thing I needed was $10 in quarters from the machine. So I purchased my pretzel treat. My only complaint with those vending machine sandwiches is the ham ALWAYS looks transparent. One thing I don’t want to see through, my food, especially food of the protein nature. So that was the exciting start of my day. A trip to the bar, a few games of pool, and a pretzel sandwich at work. Living dangerously. Take notes children, you to can one day be a drunk with a job. That’s the best kind to be.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

There are girls......and then theres me

I try. I try to be girly. I try the make-up. I try the cute clothes. I have boxes full of jewelry, hair clips and cute shoes. I try. But sometimes trying just isn’t enough. I have make-up but don’t have a clue how to use it right. I’m almost 27. Sad isn’t it. I blame my mom (when in doubt blame the parents). I spent way too much time climbing trees, bike riding and getting dirty when I was child. I didn’t bother with make-up in jr. high or high school. My hairstyle hasn’t changed since kindergarten, well until now. I’m just not good with girl stuff. I suck at talking about my feelings but I’ve gotten better at matching my clothes. I like sports, fishing, and the outdoors. The only make-up I wear is mascara. Occasionally my friends will take pity on my inabilities and do my hair and make up for me. I try. I really do. And then I say fuck it. I’m me. I’m not super girly but I like pink. I’m not super girly but I own make-up. I’m not super girly but I throw a tantrum like no other. I’m fine with not being super girly however, this new hair cut is proving to be a problem. I went out and bought a few things a round brush, root booster, moose to give it volume, and those circle headbands fro the gym. The damn brush got stuck in my hair. The root booster smells good but I have yet to notice any boost. The moose makes my hands sticky and my hair a little hard. And for the second time in my life those dumb headbands slide right off my head. I even bought the ones with the “extra grip for a better hold” logo. False advertisement. So again here I am. The not girly girl giving it a good try. At least I try. I refuse to be beaten by a round brush and some damn gel.

I used a round brush once before in my life with the same traumatic end result. I assumed that with age came wisdom. I assumed wrong. I can’t even explain the feelings I felt while standing in my bathroom with the blow dryer in one hand and staring at the brush dangling effortless in my hair. Pure pride mixed with overwhelming defeat. At least I’m trying I thought. It was all very reminiscent of the times my wonderful brother would hold me down and tangle the wheels of his remote control cars in my hair. Nothing like standing up with a RC car hanging from your hair.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Best hour of TV EVER!

And it wasn’t even during prime time. I couldn’t believe my ears. A whole hour devoted to what? Did she really just say that? 15 feet? WOW. Martha Stewart had me flabbergasted (that word isn’t used nearly enough) FLABBERGASTED. Now I’m not your typical demographic target audience for the MS show, or maybe I am. Mid twenties, likes to cook and decorate, oh god I’m the target audience. Geez Martha aim higher. I’m more the Dog the bounty hunter’s target audience. Wait maybe I need to aim higher. Anywho. Back to MS. First I don’t typically watch her show. That’s not a lie. Not like when I say I don’t typically eat a whole bag of chips and half a cake. That’s a lie. I typically do that. I don’t mind the MS show; I just get a little tired of her demeanor and her high flatulent attitude. That’s great Martha; I’m thrilled for you and your beehives. I’m glad you have 5 houses. Wow really you raise your own sheep and make yarn out of their wool to cloth children in third world countries all in a weekend, while painting a house and refinishing the barn. WOW. BUSY. Way to multitask. Since my new(ish) TV (to me) didn’t come with a remote I’m forced to watch whatever is on channel 8 (ABC?). By forced I mean I’m way to lazy to get up and flip through the channels while standing in front of the TV. Plus I don’t have cable so it’s safe to say there’s snow on all but 4 channels. Sorry. I’ll try and stay focused and finish the story. Out walks Martha Stewart with a 15-foot hot dog. Yes ladies and gentleman you heard right a 15-foot hot dog and it looked amazing. I thought at that moment I had possible died and gone to hot dog lover’s heaven. I hope if there is a heaven there are 15-foot hot dogs there. That would be fantastical. So out she comes and out of her mouth comes, “for those of you who say length doesn’t matter, I disagree at least when it comes to wieners” I almost chocked on the air. Maybe I should tune in more often, this must be the new XXX rated Martha Stewart show. Watch out, Martha is frisky, and I’m not talking about the cat food. (wink wink). The next hour was delightful. I saw a ton of different concoctions of hot dog toppings. One even had mac and cheese on top of it. Now that’s starchy! I started planning my trip to New York City so I can eat my body weight in hot dogs. Theres roughly 15 places I want to go. I also found myself wondering if I would be able to eat all 15 feet of that huge hot dog. I think I could (look of shame). I think I could. Who doesn’t love hot dogs? I mean all that great yummy goodness. Thank god for hot dogs. I could eat them all the time. I’ve done that. My diet in college consisted of hot dogs, fries and BBQ sauce. Maybe you see my need to lose weight. I hit up Ted’s in Buffalo ever time I’m there for some yummy hot dog tastiness. I love hot dogs. I love them Plain, with mustard, sauerkraut, relish, cheese, pickles, and KETCHUP. I know Ketchup on hot dogs if you aren’t a child is shunned by hot dog enthuses all over America, but the one thing I might love more then hot dogs, sex, chocolate, and money is KETCHUP. But that’s a whole other blog. Needless to say after 45 minutes of drooling all over myself I had to change the channel, I was craving hot dogs like it was my job. I’m still salivating just thinking about all that meaty (?) greatness. Below enjoy a photo of my wonderful Rocky dog from the Rockies game in April. It was Yumtastical.

Yummy! foot long with mustard, ketchup, sauerkraut and relish. Yum yum yummy!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

The newish me

So I’ve decided that what I need in my life is a new attitude. Yes I know my wonderful friends (?) have told me this REPEATEDLY for the last few years. See why I question their wonderfulness now. Maybe not so much a new attitude as a new outlook on my life, but it sounds the same no matter how you try to pretty it up. I’m not always the most optimistic person. Well, that’s not fair. I’m optimistic for other people just not myself. Besides only a real jerk would agree with their friends when they say their life sucks. Aren’t I supposed to be optimistic for them? Maybe I use all my optimism on them. Yet another prime example of my selflessness I don’t understand what they are complaining about. Anywho. In order to start my new outlook/attitude I decided to get a new haircut. I’m taking small steps to being a better/ happier person. I’m happy to report the haircut is GREAT! I’m happy with it. I wanted it shorter and after chopping 7 inches off it’s…..well mathematically shorter. It’s cute and I’m glad I did it. The hairdresser or stylish, whatever she wants to be called, asked me repeatedly if I was sure. My response “I’m sure, it’s only hair it’ll grow back,” not like I was deciding between cake and pie, geez lady calm down. I think she was more nervous then me. So I chopped the hair and so far everyone seems to like it. My brother had some explicit things to say about it but I assured him my sexual orientation hadn’t changed. Dumb Ass. Maybe I should refer to him as dumb ass from now on.

My new hair cut.

The next step to my better/happier me is my weight lose plan. That should I guess technically be step 1 since I started that on Monday. After watching the biggest loser two weeks ago I put down my baconnator and decided to go back to doing weight watchers. You see weighing in at a metric ton isn’t my idea of fun anymore. So my BFF (sounds so high schoolish) and I are decided to do it together. We’ve both done it in the past (maybe we aren’t post children for long term commitment) and it worked great for us. I lost a third grader and she lost about the same if not more. She does much better then me, but I’m trying. Flash forward to today. I stopped at my parents to help my technically challenged mother print out pictures, she knows I’m doing ww, and she bought Maple Donuts. Here in the York County area they are considered made of GOLD! I thought “is she kidding me with this stuff, Maple yummy Donut goodness”. That’s like Eve, Adam and that damn apple. But I held strong and didn’t partake in the sugary chocolate filled yummy goodness that is Maple Donuts. Damn you donut makers and your awesome creation. Needless to say I’ll need to talk to my ww buddy about what to do when I’m confronted with sex in donut form. No really it’s just that good. I think my mom is out to keep plump and unhappy. She says she’s not, she also my biggest critic. She is so very discouragingly encouraging. I want to lose the weight just to shut her up, but then I’m sure it’ll be something else that needs to be fixed. My ww buddy is in Colorado and I’m here in the great common wealth of PA, so we give encouragement over the phone, my encouragement is lacking here. I’ll need to work on that. Step three starts tomorrow. I plan on hitting the gym up 3-4 times a week. I’m trying…really I am. Step four? I’m not sure what step 4 will be? I’m changing my look, my outlook on my body image and picking up a new hobby to get healthy (gym?) so what should step four be? Could speaking up for myself by punching a guy in the face that hurt my feelings be a good step four? I don’t know maybe step 4 should be control my anger towards other people. I’ll have to give this some thought.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

10 big old fat fears

I’ve decided to hop on the bandwagon and do Mama Kat’s writing assignment. So here are the prompts to pick from.
Choose a prompt:
1.) my 10 biggest fears.
2.) When I'm upset...
3.) Weave a poem that contains all these lines (in no particular order): "I tie the ribbon in a foolish way", "the delicious fragility of this travesty", "where we still laugh and wish".
4.) Write about a memory related to a holiday.what are my 10 biggest fears?

It’s hard to pick just 10 things I’m afraid of. Just 10 things that keep me up at night huddled in the corner of my room with the blankets pulled up tight around my face clutching my crucifix and a wooden stack in the other hand. My 10 BIG ones, my bestest fears on the long list are as follows.

10. I fear snakes. Those beady little eyes, the forked tongue, scalded body and the fact that they DON’T HAVE LEGS, just FREAK me out. No legs. I don’t trust anything that moves from places to place without legs. Correction~ I don’t trust anything that moves on LAND without legs. I wouldn’t say I’m an untrusting person; I would refer to myself as cautious. Snakes are just creepy little slithering creatures that I can do without in my life. I believe the urban legend about the lady finding a snake in her toilet. I BELIEVE IT! I often wonder about that. What would I do? MOVE. I would move far away. I didn’t always fear snakes; I blame my one and only great brother. There’s just something about the sight of a live GIANT black snake being hurled at me from across the parking lot to make me fear snakes. I know snakes don’t fly, but that one did. Well it was more catapulted across the parking lot at me by my loving brother. Keep those slithering sneaks away from me.

9.I’m afraid that I’ll never make it out of this dead end job (no pun intended, I’m an obit clerk) and find something that moves me. I want something that moves me not just a job that moves me from my house to work and back. I want something more then just a 9-5 time filler/ bill payer. I want a job that leaves me feeling accomplished, and I’m afraid I’ll never find that. I’m afraid it’s to late. I want to be able to proudly answer the now dreaded question” What do you do?” you wouldn’t believe what a mood killer, “I’m an obit clerk” can be. Well, maybe you do.

8. I’m afraid of organized religion. I don’t like anyone telling me how to think or what to feel. I understand religion is a very personal and often volatile topic but it scares me. I’m afraid of the people who see no gray area when it comes to religion. I’m afraid of killings in the name of God/ Allah/ Muhammad or whoever your religious icon is. I’m fearful of people who preach God’s love but feel no compassion for someone just because they have a different belief. I have too many questions about religion to believe there is only one true answer.

7. I’m afraid of what we are teaching young girls about their body. I don’t remember thinking I was fat or ugly when I was a child. I was a kid. I played. I ate. I got dirty. I was never preoccupied by my weight or looks until at least high school. I’m afraid of the clothes they make for young girls. The short skirts, and halter tops in the children’s section concern me. Why would a child need to wear that? Why would a parent want to buy that for them?

6. I’m afraid I’ll never meet someone and have the happily ever after fair tale life. I’m afraid that my future holds a bunch of toads and no Prince Charming. I’m concerned that one day I’ll settle for Prince Alarming just so I’m not alone anymore.

5.I have a fear of failure, but who doesn’t. I’m looking for a new job but nothing is as discouraging as the fear of failure. Sometimes I let my fear of failure stop me from applying for a different job, approaching the guy I like, or trying something new. I wish I had more faith in myself.

4. I’m afraid of the unknown. I need stability. I need plans. I could never do what Taylor does. I could never pick up and move to another state across the country where I know exactly ZERO people. Maybe that ties in with the fear of failure.

3. I’m afraid that people really do think I’m a mean person. I’m afraid that my shyness and lack luster attitude turns people away before I realize I’ve done it. I don’t know how to change that. I don’t know how. I try to be more out going, friendlier, talkative but that only seems to creep out the people who know me. I’m afraid that my “let them make the move to be my friend” attitude has landed me a first class ticket to Lonely Ville.

2. I don’t have kids, and I’m afraid I might never. My friends and family say I will, but not everyone is gifted with children and a husband; maybe I’m that person. I’m afraid that I’ll always be Aunt Amy and never Mommy. I hate when people tell me that isn’t a justified fear, there are plenty of people who end up not married or without children. How can you say that isn’t going to be me with absolute certainty?

1. My number 1 fear is that one-day I’ll get married and have a family and my parents wont see it. I’m afraid that my parents, who have had declining health in the last few years, aren’t concerned about the fact they smoke 2 packs a day and take a ton of pills. I’m afraid they wont be here to see my children. I’m afraid that my Dad wont be here to walk me down the aisle or be able to dance with me at my wedding. I’m afraid they wont get to see their daughter become a wife and mother. I’m afraid they wont see the parent/wife I became from the example they showed me.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Why? Why is my life so predictable and why can’t I stop these things from happening before they happen. I tell my friends and family time and time again that I’m not the happily ever after girl. I’m not going to find prince charming and ride off into the sunset of warmth and love. I’m not. Could I be wrong? Maybe. Do I hope I am? Hell yeah. But in the last 4 years I’ve been right about everything. I was right when I thought calling Bailey was waste of my time. I was right about Lou being a nut job. I was right about James. It’s me. I know that. I’m the link between all these shitty situations. Me. I’m horrible at picking guys. I’m horrible at thinking that maybe this yucky love thing could work for me. Just once I want to be wrong. I just once, would be nice. I was right when I thought Ben was going to break up with me. I was right about everything. I hate it. I don’t want to be right about this. I don’t want to be an old spinster with a bunch of cats. I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy. I’m not a bad person. But everyday it’s gets a little harder to believe that. Everyday I say it a little less. Everyday I think maybe I am. Everyday. It hit me like a freight truck last night (I can say that I’ve been hit by a freightliner) I knew it was coming just like in my accident. I knew it before I even got there. I knew it before she even told me. I knew it from the look on his face when I walked into the bar. I knew it when he couldn’t look me in the eyes. I knew it when for the first time since I meant him, he didn’t charge me for my drink. I knew it. And it sucked. And somewhere along the line I was shocked. Somewhere I had started to believe, maybe everyone was right, maybe this could work out to something more then it was. Somewhere along the line I bought into the hype. I told everyone I wasn’t expecting anything that he didn’t like me that it wouldn’t come together. But I didn’t believe that, I didn’t want to believe that. I wanted to be wrong. But I thought it wouldn’t suck so badly if I acted like I knew it was coming. It still sucks. I’m not dumb I know how this story goes. Why buy the milk when you get the cow for free. I swore up and down I wouldn’t get into this situation again. Not after the crap with Bailey. I swore I wouldn’t. I told everyone I couldn’t handle the casual thing. I knew better from the moment he looked at me. But I did it anyway. I have no one to blame but myself. I knew better. I just wish I hadn’t been right. I just wish he were what I hoped he would be. I just wish I really didn’t care. But I do.
I need to work on making myself happy. I need to worry about me. I hope you enjoyed the comic. It made me smile.

Monday, October 6, 2008

My love life isn't the only wreck in my life

My life is pretty much a disaster. If I can let them down, I've done it at some point. If I can fuck it up, I have. Good things don't happen to me. I never win the lottery, not even the scratch offs, I don't win raffles or give-a-ways. I just pretty much suck at most aspects of life. When the car gets inspected, they almost always find something wrong with it. When I'm sick as a dog my couch breaks and leaves me even me "hurt up". When i finally get a little money it never fails a huge bill arrives in the mail. When i think I've meant a guy who might actually like me for my mind, I'm yet again wrong. I'm just cursed. I wish this was the point where I said all that changed yesterday I've hit the lotto meant a great guy and am flying off to the D.R. to tie the knot and reproduce, but that is not my life. My life is a cold run down apartments, Sunday coupon clipping, cable free life. My life stinks. I had hoped for a fun relaxing weekend away with my friends in Buffalo, but sometimes what you hope for and what you get can be two completely different things. Sometimes what you get is an extension to your suck fest life.

My trip was over all fun. My friends took me to my favorite eats and introduced me to some other good places. I visited with my adopted Buffalo family who came bearing a gift, a TV. Now that sounds good right? fun weekend, good times with friends and family, a TV. My old TV 13 inches my new TV 27! I'm living large now. Well funny how things can change. I left Buffalo around 2 o'clock yesterday to start my long 6 hour drive home. About an hour into the drive my luck remembers hey she just got this TV and is a pretty good mood, we will have none of this and i get rear-ended by a Freightliner. That's right ladies and gentleman a Freightliner hit little old me in my plastic Saturn Vue. GOOD TIMES. Now lucky me we were going slow so there wasn't to much of an impact, but it still sucked. I was shaking and upset and it wasn't my fault.

Now if getting rear-ended wasn't bad enough let me explain this to you.
  1. I was alone
  2. I was in New York in an area I'm not at all familiar with
  3. i have never had an accident before and wasn't sure what all i should do
  4. the truck that hit me was from, you'll love this ONTARIO, CANADA
  5. The man was Indian (not the native variety) and I couldn't understand him very well

I don't ask for much in life. I nice place to live, enough money to pay all my bills each month, a man to love me, good sex on a regular bases, and that the people who I'm in accidents with be from the same COUNTRY as me and speak English. I don't think that's to much to ask for, but so far I'm 1-6 and it's only a decent place to live. My poor car. I'm still making payments on this thing. The damage doesn't look to bad but I'll need a whole new bumper and back door. FANTASTIC was getting a little tired of the old door. SILVER LINING maybe when if they replace the whole door I'll get a rear windshield wiper that actually works. Mine has never worked from the day I got it. It's been fixed 2 but NEVER works. Needless to say that really impedes my backwards driving when trying to allude villains and or police.

And the suck fest continues.

Friday, October 3, 2008

In from the BUFF

Isn't it great that blogging as allowed us the opportunity to write and correspond with millions of people without even leaving our home. We can do it in bed, the kitchen, or the living room. We can do it at night in the morning or while watching the today show. We can do from home, the coffee shop or even a hotel room. My favorite is doing it in the BUFF. Calm yourself I'm not talking the naked buff, I'm talking the Buffalo, New York BUFF. I can blog on the go about the exciting thins we are doing the fun places we are going. Today Soccer mom and I are off to the Buffalo Zoo, not in the buff naked sense. It's cold here, that would be crazy but I'm sure we would make the Channel 2 news here. Naked girls checking out Elephants that are checking us out.

My drive (all 6 hours of it) was great yesterday. no traffic not much hold up from construction. the leaves looked amazing. Yellow, orange, reds so pretty. I tried to capture a good picture to put on here of Fall in Northeastern PA, but alas I almost died, don't try to take pictures while driving. Not safe.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Welcome ladies and gentleman to the one, the only, mind of McMean Show. I acquired the name some years ago during my "glory days' of college. Maybe it was my friendly demeanor, sunny dispostion, or out of the way caring personality, but I was saddled with McMean. I have embraced the persona because no matter how hard I try I just can't shake the name. If you can beat them surrender and sing like a bird, or you can just join them. I've decided to blog on here in hopes that some one outside the cubicle walls of my office and the padded walls of my home will find me as entertaining as I find myself. At the very least I hope you find me as entertaining as my friend, family and co-workers pretend to find me.

I'm knew to the world of blogging. I'm an avid blogger on my awesome myspace page, but this is a new forum for me so bare with me. I've discovered a few blogs that i enjoy and would love any recommendations the peanut gallery can provide.

I'm simple enough. My blogs usually consist of long angry rants, short burst of humor, funny or ironic stories and extensive rambling about nothing. Enjoy.

For all I know, which isn't very much, this isn't a comment that should make me smile. But a comment was made and I agree it is rather "on the money". The golden comment made about me today. (drum roll please) "Amy I don't know what's going on in your head, your sick in the head" I gave the best response I had "I am, but for so money other reason then this" The comment was made by one of my co-workers today in reference to the restraining order and accompanying letter from my fake law firm that I toiled over yesterday. I spent roughly an hour and half of....well it wasn't my time, concocting (that word always makes me think of Katie Buffalo) the letter, and filling in the actual restraining order form (you can get anything on google which excites me but also frightens me). Now usually "sick in the head" would sound, well, not nice, but I took it as a complement, a sign my "work" was appreciated. Everyone wants to feel excepted. So I just laughed and said thank you. I figure I should have a little fun at work to off set the long hours of dull and uneventful boredom.

I thought I was suffering a heart attack last night. Here's what happen I was laying on the couch (Oh yeah I fixed my couch that has been busted for 3 months) watching one of my favorite shows, The biggest loser, and chatting with Taylor on the phone. My chest started to hurt. Here's sort of what I remember from the conversation.

Me~ "OWHHH I think I'm having a heart attack"
Taylor~ "Does your arm hurt? Is it numb"
Me- "Oww no, but..."
Taylor~ Then it's not a heart attack your arm is supposed to go numb "
Me~ It feels like a lump in my chest, I think it's my bacanator backing up (don't judge me you judgmental fucks, who doesn't want hamburgers covered in cheese and wrapped up in bacon, if that person is alive... Well I say FUCK YOU to that person).
Taylor~ (laughing) I take that back then it might be a heart attack. I was unaware you had a bacanator.
Me~ Yeah I always feel a little bad sitting here watching The Biggest Loser stuffing my face with a bacanator and fries"
Taylor- That seems wrong. Hey did you have the sandwich I can't remember where it was but it was called the something house burger?
Me~ The smoke house burger from BK, yeah I had it
Taylor~ I really liked that it had onion rings on it
Me~ It was OK but I like the bacanator better (laughing hysterically) stop Taylor I really don't want to compare and contrast the burgers at the fast food restaurants, is that what our lives have come to.

Our conversations are always so stimulating.

So Tomorrow is the big day, TRAVEL DAY! I'm heading to the great STATE of NEW YORK! I only mention that it's a state, not because I doubt your ability to recognize the name as that of one of our states but because Steve (my friend in Buffalo) always feels the need to refer to PA as a "commonwealth". He'll say "So how's life in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania" and if someone mistakenly calls it a state he's quick to point out it's a commonwealth. La tee da! I have so much to do before I leave. I have to do laundry, pack, do the dishes, figure out what I'm doing about the trash, and stop by my parents because god forbid I leave without seeing my mom. she acts like every time I venture out of the state I might never find my way back. When l flew to Buffalo last year she was almost positive my plane would crash, wow mom comforting thing to tell me hours prior to me getting on the plane. When I went to Colorado, you would have thought I was moving not just vacationing. and now she has to "worry" about me driving the six hours to Buffalo. I told her she doesn't have to worry, she can choose not to worry. My god the damn women couldn't even remember I was going. I mentioned it last month and have talked about a lot and then Friday I said I can't wait to go and on Sunday she asked if I wanted to go furniture shopping with her this Friday. I said "Mom I'm going to Buffalo Thursday" and she gave me the look. The "your an asshole" look. Sorry I've told you repeatedly, maybe you should write it down in your day planner with all your doctor appointments. Anywho, I'm excited for my trip it ashamed that I wont be able to access very many radio stations due the complete and utter boondocks route I take. But if I get a hankering for some porn or other adult store items I'll pass roughly a half dozen or some of them on my route. Each one slightly shadier then the last, now I've never stopped at any of those places (on this route, I have visited other adult stores) mainly because the whole area has an Amnettyville horror feel to it. I swear the one time I went up it was pouring down raining, flooding and just wretched but I plugged on, I was going come hail or high water (and the water was high there was flooding on 15, but I being the super smart girl I am said fuck it and went anyways, I was lucky) while driving I thought boy if I break down I'm fucking dead. this is the setting from every horror movie I have ever seen. All the house looked broken down and ramshackle, with plastic over the windows and rundown automobiles on blocks in the yard. I thought if I break down I'm so fucked, I don't even have phone reception up here. That's another down side, six hours and I can't even use my phone. I am half temped to stop at Mansfield University and by a shirt from the bookstore, however I'm sure their parking is as bad as ours was so I would rather not mess with that junk.

Wendy is of sick today so here I am bright and early and not feeling so hot. My tummy hurts and my head is pounding. I think my head hurts because of my eyes. It must be that time "eye check" time, that is. I feel like I look especially rough today. I couldn't sleep and then getting up early was no easy fete. My hair is doing this really weird part where it looks like my hair starts half way back on the right side like my forehead is HUGE or UGH like Taylor's' dad would say. And what appeared to be a nice enough outfit for laundry day looks like crap in the light. does peach and mauve go together? Wait color is mauve? Is it a pink peach color? because if so that's what my hoodie is mauve with a peach, yellow, orange and pink plaid shirt under. Yeah train wreck, trust me. On a happier note Sharon brought me in a A&W Root Beer Float drink to try. I'm hyped. She said she'll chill it for me at lunch! Lunch, I'm starving right now I hope there's something not so gross in the machine otherwise I have a date with some strawberry oatmeal. If you know me that involves two things I don't really care for strawberry's and oatmeal, but I'll stomach it because "your supposed to like it."