Friday, February 5, 2016

Holy baby

I don't know what I expected. Clearly I don't know ANYTHING. We just hit the two week mark. Two weeks since my little buddy came into our lives. 9 months of carrying him around inside did not prepare me for this. I have no idea what I thought motherhood would be like or what actually having my own baby would be like...but this is exhausting. I guess I thought it would be cuddling and cues. Smiles and giggles and all things WONDERFUL. But this is EXHAUSTING!

It's GREAT. ITS AMAZING. everything he does is impressive. To me at least. Well, not when he pees on me. That's not very impressive. Mildly funny but not impressive. 

I knew it would be hard. I knew it would be tiring. I knew it would be stressful at times. But I didn't really KNOW. 

I wouldn't trade it for anything. The poopy diapers. Wake up calls every two hours. Getting peed on in the middle of the night. Bottles. Laundry. It's all worth it. The self doubt. Second guessing myself. Trying to figure out if it's a 'I'm wet' cry or an 'I'm never going to eat again' cry. 

Sometimes I think I'm making a mess of things. Did I feed him enough? Is the diaper to tight? Is he hot? Cold? Am I the worst mom ever? But he cuddles up to me when I rock him to sleep and I figure.....well so far so good. 

I'm insanely lucky to have the amazing husband I do. He's been my rock through this all. Quick to change a diaper or make a bottle. We try to take turns getting up during the night but he often lets me sleep and gets up a few times in a row. Does the cooking and grocery shopping. I really couldn't imagine doing any of this without him. 

Wednesday, February 3, 2016


Well........he's here 
All 8 lbs. 6 ounces and 20 1/2 inches of him is HERE. 

IT WAS AN EXPERIENCE. Not one that I'm quick to repeat. Does that make me sound bad? I hope not. I had a great pregnancy. Couldn't have asked for an easier time of it....right up till the end. Right up till the doctors decided that inducing me was better then chancing me going past my due date. Which knowing what I know now.....this little guy would have been late. But being late would have been a million times better then inducing me. 

They induced me on Wednesday Jan 20th. We arrived at the hospital at 9 am to get the party started. And that's where I stayed until Monday Jan 25th. He wouldn't come. I wouldn't dilate. Finally Friday morning, the morning of the big snow storm, they said ITS TIME TO PUSH.

So I did. I pushed. For 2 1/2 hours I pushed. After 3 days of being hooked up to machines and two of those days on full bed rest because of the epidural, I pushed. And I pushed. And I cried. And I said I can't do this...more times then I remember. And I pushed. And he. He didn't budge. Didn't move. Didn't descend like he should have. And then I told the doctor 'I need to stop can we please do a c section, is it to late for that?' 

I didn't want c section. My husband tried to talk me out of it. But I was so tired. I was in so much pain. I told him I couldn't do it anymore that I just wanted to be done. And I cried. And then we went for the emergency c section. 

Oliver, my little chubby cheeked baby boy was born at 12:40 pm on Friday Jan 22nd. He was born in destress. He had pooped inside and was covered in it when they took him out he also has fluid in his lungs. They cleaned him up as quick as they could showed him to me and then whisked him off to the NICU. My husband asked if I wanted him to stay but I told him go with the baby. 

Once I was back in Recovery my husband and mom came back with pictures of the little guy. He stayed in the NICU until 830pm that night. I didn't even get to hold my little guy until 9 hours after he was born. 

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Four weeks and six days.

4 weeks and six days....that's me! I cried. When they called with the results from my blood test. Well, actually, I did that silent crying while the women told me the good news and then couldn't.t speak. She thought we had been disconnected until I said thank you so much between sobs.

The whole time you try to stay positive. This is going to work. I'm going to be pregnant...but....I didn't want to get my hopes up to high. So I also tried to tell myself that 'it's ok if you aren't this month you just keep trying the IUI until it works'. I read blogs and articles about IUI success rates, I knew it might take more then one time. BUT WE WANTED IT. WE WANTED IT BAD. My mom was convinced that it would work because the IUI was scheduled for dads birthday. My dad passed away 4 years ago. So kept saying 'it's a good sign, he'll make sure it works' and I guess he did. 

So now I'm reading all about pregnancy and what to expect. 
I'm stilling taking my progesterone oil shot every night and my 3 pills daily. I had blood work yesterday and it said my levels are great. I have more blood work me t week and our first prenatal appointment. So excited!! 

We've told a few close family members. The rest we will tell once we hit the 10-12 week time. 

Sunday, May 17, 2015

T minus 24 hours

It's almost 23 hours until I go for my blood test. It's been a long two weeks. A VERY LONG TWO WEEKS. And in less then 23 hours I will know if I'm with child or if it'll be time to start another round of drugs, blood tests, ultrasounds, shots and IUI. PLEASE LET ME BE PREGNANT. everyone keeps saying ' hopefully you find out you have to keep giving your self a shot everyday.' It's weird when that is actually a good thing. 

So as promised at the end of my last post here is the most awkward thing I have gone through so far. 

I though the HSG ( hysterosalpingogram (HSG) is an X-ray test that looks at the inside of the uterus and fallopian tubes and the area around them) was the most awkward thing....but I was wrong. There is something more awkward then laying on a table in front of 5 people who are looking inside me with a X-ray machine.....via my vagina.

Hubs and I had to go into the doctors office so he could 'learn' how to give me a shot. I wasn't thrilled and he was even less thrilled. Giving a shot.....seems easy enough. I've given myself the orvidell shot that's easy peasey. The progesterone oil shot........not so much. The nurse showed him how to fill the syringe, change the needles, then how to dart it into my skin and slowly release it. Maybe it was the anxiety in both of us. Maybe it was the anticipation of getting a shot. Maybe it was the disappointment of realizing this was yet another thing my body just wasn't doing but I couldn't stop laughing. Laughing like a 12 year old boy. 

Picture this. Me laying face down on the table with my but in the air while this conversation goes on

Nurse- you will want to pinch the skin around the circle firmly. (OH YES THEY DRAW TWO BIG CIRCLES, ONE ON EACH CHEEK SO YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT AREA TO PUT THE SHOT IN- your but looks like it's got eyeballs. )

Hubs- is this firm enough (grabbing my butt) 

Nurse-( feeling my butt) yeah that's good. Now you want to dart it in, imagine you are playing darts. Just dart the tip in really quick but only half way then you'll slide the rest in slowly. Don't do it all at once. YOU need to stop laughing.

Me- I'm trying. Hahaha

Hubs- ok take a deep breath ....let is out ( darts the tip in) ok is that far enough? 

Nurse- yeah, you want just the first half to go in ( inch and a half long needle people)Now slowly slide the rest of it in.


Hubs- is that to fast

Nurse- just slide it in easy, easy. Ok you are all the way in now push the plunger down slowly...slowly.slowly. That's right. And we are done.

Hubs- so I guess I shouldn't smack her on the ass afterwards, huh? 

Nurse - not unless you want her to smack you

Hubs- well the other cheek is ok SMACK! (Smacks my ass in front of the nurse) 


He has done the shot 5 times now. He's almost a pro. Oh and those circles I told you about. There are small bruises inside from the needle so it really looks like it has eyeballs now. Incase you have to do this a nice warm compress after really does help it feel better. You won't be so sore later.

Here's hoping tomorrow brings good news. 10 MORE WEEKS OF SHOTS! .........seems really weird that ashot would ever be GOOD NEWS. 

Saturday, May 16, 2015

So that's been going on.......

I used to write my blog everyday. I carved out time everyday to get all this stuff that's rattling around in my head OUT. It wasn't amazing things that would enlighten people or ideas to change the world, it was just stuff. STUFF. And sometimes you just need to get STUFF out of your head and into someone else's. 

BUT sometimes that stuff is just to much. Sometimes that stuff is personal. But then I remember nobody probably reads this anymore. And the few that do can understand all the stuff. That stuff I need to get out of my head because they probably have stuff too. God knows we all have stuff. 

So here goes. 

The hubs and I have been 'trying, wishing and hoping ' for a baby for 2 years now.  After 6 months I asked my doctor questions. She didn't really listen to my concerns. A year later when I had my 'woman appointment' I went to a legit OBGYN. She was concerned. Very concerned. After a lot of blood work we found out I had a thyroid issue. I started medication for that but the doctor pretty much told me I was 'to fat' to have a baby and needed to lose 80lbs before she would give me any fertility help. 

Apparently thyroid problems can really MESS UP your hormones and whole reproductive system. We left that appointment feeling defeated. It had already been alomst 2 years of trying and she told me it would be another 2 years before she would suggest any treatment. 

I was angry. I was mad. I was hurt. But I did what they told. I tookmy thyroid pill everyday. I started seeing a nutritionist I lost 20 lbs. And then hubs and I attended a free seminar at the local fertility center. My other doctor said I would require treatments in the future, so we figured why not get educated. 

The first thing they told us during the presentation was
Major causes of fertility issues
1. Irregular menstrual cycles- CHECK, when I brought that up with my family doctor she acted like I was making it up. Then she said 'Well maybe you haven't had it long enough to be regular" I WAS 33, pretty much had it long then I haven't at this point. I asked my doctors when I was in my 20s if that would cause fertility issue and they all said NO. 

2. Thyroid problems. CHECK. However I had mine back under control in about 4 months. 

We learned about the different tests and treatments, it was very informative. Then we had a free 10 minute consultation. I explained my history and my thyroid problem nc they told us the course of action they would take. We left feeling hopeful. For the first time in a very long time I didn't feel like I was a failure. We still waited until January to actually start going to the center. 

They sent me for blood test after my first appointment and called me at 9 am the next morning with my results. The whole process is very structured. On this day you do this, on that day you do this, and so forth. I had tests done to make sure my tubes weren't blocked and that they weren't misshapen. Everything looked good. I started my period at which time I started taking Clomid on day 3, then an ovulation test on days 11 and 12,never got a positive, day 13 ultrasound to check for eggs. I HAD THEM!!!! That was good news. My uterus looked good. And then blood work to see if my Levels were spiking. That equals ovulation. NOPE. AMY DOESNT OVULATE ON HER OWN. They gave me a shot that makes you ovulate.we did that for two months. No luck. On May 3rd I had my first IUI. We are currently in our two week waiting period to see if I'm Preggo. Two long weeks. TWO LONG WEEKS. ON MONDAY WE FIND OUT IF I AM. 

It hasn't been easy. But we keep telling ourselves 'it's all worth it' . I've taken more drugs in the last 4 months then in my LIFE. And they are hormone my husband is just loving it/ me right now. This past Monday we found out the my progesterone levels are still to low, even with taking 3 progesterone pills a day. ( and they aren't taken orally. They are inserted.....well you can figure that part out). So my husband now has to give me a progesterone oil shot in my butt cheek everyday AND  I still have to take the pills 3xs a day. EVERYDAY. and if I m pregnant.........we have to do the shot and pills everyday until I'm 10 weeks. That will be around 42 shots. He's doing surprisingly well with it. But it still isn't fun.