3 years to almost the hour.
I think it was around 11pm when we got the call.
'You'll want to get to the hospital right away.'
My heart stopped. I don't remember driving to my moms house. I don't remember driving to the hospital or The elevator ride up to the ICU.
I remember the nurses ushering us into a holding room. I remember the doctor telling us nonchalantly that they couldn't keep him breathing. That they brought him back and lost him again. REPEATEDLY. And they needed to know ' Do you want us to stop'.
We told them to stop. That his poor body had had enough. Then we waited for my brother and his wife to get there. Waited knowing that we would have to tell him dad was gone.
I remember the sobbing when we told him. They let us see him one more time. There had been blood in his beard from removing the feeding tube.....and they shaved his beard.
He didn't look like my Dad. I remember telling my nephew that 'Pappy would look different at the funeral.
My dad was one of 8 kids, after he passed we were bombarded by his sisters....trying to surround us with love but at the time it felt smothering.
Today was a hard day for me. Everyday is hard. So much has happen in 3 years. He missed so much. We've missed so much. Some day's I still think that he'll show up. That he's just been traveling and now he's back. I know that wont happen. But it sure would be nice.
Things get easier with time, that's what everyone says. How long does time take. Because 3 years hasn't put a dent in my pain. 5 years? 10, 15, 20 years? I'm not sure I buy into that theory. At. All.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
I'm not usually big on RESOLUTIONS made for the new year. BUT.....this year I've made a resolution. To ..........drum roll please............LOSE WEIGHT.
My clothes are to tight and I'm not happy. The clothing I received for Christmas was my size..but that didn't fit either.
I noticed my body has been sore. I feel old. Real old. And I don't like it.
But most importantly I need to lose weight because the hubby and I have been trying for a year now to have a baby and it's no going so great. I have done everything else they recommend. Charting ovulation, vitamins and lots of practice..wink wink.., But no luck. So the next step is to lose some weight. Truth is, I need to lose weight for a ton of reasons. So I'm going to work at it. And the hubby is going to work at it with me.
We use an app on our phones MyfitnessPal. Put in your current weight and it tells you how many calories you need to eat each day. The app makes it easy to track what you eat and any excerise you do. It's pretty great...it makes it idiot proof. You can use the camera on ur phone to scan the bar code of packages to automatically enter the calories. You can also search for food in their catalogue. It's pretty great.
So we have no reason to not "be able to stick to it'. I'm hopeful. Usually we last a month or so and then it's back to ice cream and pizza stat, but this time I want to stick with it.
So here's to seeing less of myself in the months to come.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
This week is our holiday party at work. Next to the halloween party it's the only thing to look forward to there.
I worked on my ugly Christmas sweater today.
It's hard to try and make something ugly, on purpose.
But I did my best.
I started with lots of supplies
Sweat shirt, garland trees, snowflakes, cotton circles I cut from a sheets of sparkly cotton, branches for arms and a battery powered string of lights.
First step was to sew the snowman on and stuff him. It was much hard then I thought.
Next I attached the trees and snowed on the snow flakes. I'm not much of a seamstress so I did cheat some and use safety pins to help.
I also added some mini lights to the bottom to add some fun.
Monday, December 9, 2013
Growing up it always seemed like my parents waited till the holidays to start home remodeling projects. And it irritated me. Things always turned into such a HUGE rush because of the pending holiday.
One year we were ripping carpet out 3 days before thanksgiving and another year it was putting in a new bathroom. What a nightmare. Who does that. Who wakes up and says..." I don't feel adequately stressed out yet for the holidays I should destroy my house and rebuild it under a time crunch...that should help". Who does that. Apparently THIS GIRL!
Seems only fitting right, following in my parents foot steps.
Knock down a wall? Why not.
Cut holes in the ceiling? Why not.
Cover every surface on my first floor in layers of dust. Sure.
Not like I have anything else to do.
We finally made some more progress on our living remodel.
But we are far from done.
Clearly you can see our house....is a mess. I won't even walk around without shoes on. And the only Christmas is the tree. All my decorations are packed up in the garage where they have been since we moved.
And it makes me sad.
And it makes me wonder what I was thinking.
And it makes me laugh.
And I think what a kick out of it my dad would get.
And that makes me laugh.
And then it makes me sad. Real sad.
I am my parents child and everyday I see that more and more.
And. That. Makes. Me. HAPPY.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Mama Kat wants to know the 10 best things about being a kid.
In not certain order
1. Napping. We should have stuck with that one. I'm positive my productivity would be much better after a nice afternoon nap. Or at least I wouldn't get so grumpy after lunch.
2. Recess. Just imagine if you could settle all your meetings with a rousing game of dodge ball. Who doesn't want to see their boss or snarky co-worker bite it on the monkey bars?
3. Bath time. Yes, even as adults we can enjoy a nice bath. BUT we can't bust out the Mr. Bubble and our beach babie with her jet ski to cruise around the tub.
4. Pure joy. Everything is AWESOME when you're young. Everything is new and exciting. Now pure joy is replaced with realism. Sure, it's cool but I bet it's expensive now replaces any thought of awesomeness.
5. Lack of fear. My brother and I often sit and talk about the things we did as kids.... Ad how we find it hard to believe we lived through it. My mom can't figure out how we did either. We loved American Gladiators, and we always wanted to be on the show and do the course where you have to dodge the tennis balls the gladiator shoots at you. So we practiced by setting up a course and throwing ROCKS at each other.
6. Summer. When you're a Kid you get 3 months of vacation. As an adult you need to work someplace for an eternity and give them a kidney to get 3 weeks off.
7. Water balloons. Hit me with one now and I'll smack a bitch.
8. Coloring. Nothing is as relaxing as coloring. I'll tell you a secret.......I still color all the time.
9. Trick-or-treating. I LOVE. Halloween. LOVE IT. But I guarantee if I went out trick or treating ( I don't have any kids) pa would be escorted home via the police. Who wouldn't be alarmed by a 32 year old women dressed up and pan handling. That's only acceptable from children under the age of 13 one night a year.
10. Riding the bus to school. I WISH I could catch a bus to work everyday. A work bus with my name written on a notecard above a certain seat. My co-workers and I could jump over seats and make friendship bracelets. And I wouldn't have to drive and cuss at other drivers!
Those are my top ten things about being a kid.