Thursday, January 8, 2009

Step 1. Remove head from ass

I have big plans tomorrow. BIG PLANS. I'll be having my head removed from my ass. I hear it's a relatively fast procedure. They couldn't give me an answer on the pain factor, which alarmed me. Something about it being dependent on the size of ones head and the size of ones ass. My head looks smallish. I can't palm it but I have tiny hands. I'm looking forward to my procedure. Mainly I'm looking forward to the recovery. you know, get well cards, flowers, balloons, candy. People doing stuff and being nice to me. I can't wait. Feel free to send LARGE flower arrangements and singing teddy bear people. the bigger the better. I wont lie. It's all bout the size and the money spent. My love/happiness can be bought. I can't wait to have my head removed from my ass. I'm hoping it puts a stop to the dumb things I do.

Had i undergone this procedure earlier this week maybe i wouldn't have driven across town today to the bank only to realize the check was at home on the kitchen table. Maybe I wouldn't have gone to Target only to realize that I left the memory card at home that held the photo i wanted to print. now I'm picking up some photos I had no intention of printing, because i didn't want to look like a jerk holding up the line digging through her purse only to walk away with out placing an order. Maybe I wouldn't have received a personnel phone call from Met Ed asking me to please call urgently about my bill. Oops is it the 5th again?

Think of all the things that could have been prevented if only i had been born with my head outside of my ass. Not literally outside that would not be to pleasant of a sight. I would however have my own show on TLC titled ~Ass Head girl. I love how the names of their shows are so well......unoffensive (LOL). Like mermaid girl, tree man, stump women. Nice TLC lets teach our children it's OK to call her mermaid girl. That's a whole other blog.

So here's to a speedy recover from my removing head from ass surgery.
have a nice weekend everyone!


Jenners said...

I hope the surgery goes well and the recovery is rapid. I had Head Out My Ass surgery several years ago and I found it relatively painless. However, I think I may need to go in again ... I think it can recur!

thanks for stopping by earlier today! And I like your MamaKat post too but just had to comment on this one! Totally cracked me up!

heidi said...

Oooh good luck on the surgery. I've heard it can get a little messy.