Friday, November 28, 2008

Crisfield...I'm coming

Off for my weekend away. Here I come Crisfield!! Should be an......interesting time.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

What I'm really thankful for

Enjoy this wonderful Turkey Art I stumbled upon while surfing the adult sites, I mean while working. I thought it was funny. I added the color via MS Paint. Oh the secret talents I have. You would be so surprised and thoroughly impressed with my capabilities. So today is Turkey day. Oh boy. The day we give thanks for all the things that have happen this year, and all the things everyone tells us we should be thankful for. So who decides what is a good thing to be thankful for and what is something you don't mention. For example. I'm thankful for condoms, no babies here yet. I'm thankful for cold draft beer, good rum and thick steaks. I'm thankful for the Steelers, good looking guys, and good sex. I'm thankful for hot dogs, my dog max, corn dogs, the fair, and sheetz mto's. I'm thankful for not being hung over this thanksgiving, friends with benefits (otherwise I wouldn't ever get any benefit's) and ice cream. My mom said those aren't the things I should be thankful for. I should be thankful for my health, minus that bout of pink eye, the sinus infection, really bad sprained ankle, migraines, chronic colds over the summer and two week long aunt Flo visits. Yeah my health, that's working real well for me. I should be thankful for my job, which I hate and doesn't even come close to paying my bills, with hours that make it almost impossible to get a part time job and which told us NO ONE is getting a raise this year. Yeah I'm real thankful for this place. I should be thankful for my family. I am, for the most part. When they aren't driving me up the wall. But really how many times can you hear I'm thankful for my health, my family and that we are all here to enjoy this dinner before you want to take your desert fork and plunge it into your eye. Really. Come on people. Be different. My list is different. Maybe it's not PG 13, maybe Nana did choke on her turkey at the mention of condoms, porn and sex, but maybe Nana shouldn't have been such a hog and waited until everyone finished our little lists before chomping into her plate of thanksgiving yummy goodness. The nerve of some people. Telling me what I SHOULD be thankful for.
My mom asked my nephew, "Kanyon, do you know what Thanksgiving is for" and he responded with an answer that earned him a high five over the stuffing bowl, "Yeah Nanny it's for STUFFING OUR FACES!" I love that kid. Seems maybe he should have gotten a talking to for an answer like that nanny! Of course then my mom proceeded to tell him about the harvest and eating with the Indians which caused him to say "Oh yeah pilgrims I've heard this before nanny!" and he earned another high five for SHUTTING NANNY DOWN! He told my mom they had a play at school and he was a pilgrim, he said he didn't want to be an Indian because the pilgrims had cooler hats to wear. (high five) and I quickly added "yeah you didn't want to get small pox, forced off your land and then killed either huh" (no high five for me). He totally left me hanging.
To be honest I'm thankful for my families health, no trips to the hospital this year, always a plus. I'm thankful for my job even if it keeps me just high enough to not be considered poor. but I'm still broke and have a ton of bills I can't pay, and I really do loath this job. I'm thankful for my friends, what a weird crazy, mixed up bunch of tools. But I love them all. I'm thankful my car is fixed and I'm thankful for my up coming days off. But I'm still thankful for all the things listed above and i see those as perfectly acceptable things to be thankful for. So up yours mom!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

R.I.P. Insanely Awesome man

This tpoic might not seem to wonderful but I think of it more as a celebration of life (must be the obit clerk in me coming out). I'm an obit clerk at our local paper, occasionally I'll get an obit for someone I don't know but that I recognize from the world. Someone I've seen over the years at the grocery store, or someone I know who lived near my grandmother, whatever. Well yesterday we got the obit for a gentleman that most of York County has seen. A guy anyone who ever attended any of the Harley events here would know. Larry Geier. While the name might not ring any bells for most people, the image sure does.

See! How could you forget this image roaring down route 30. Yes my blogger friends those are basset hounds wearing flight goggles, leather caps and riding on a motorcycle. I'm sorry but how FUCKING cool is this! I think this guy rocks (ed)! He was always around int he summer, during fair week, bike weekend, and all the time. How cool does the dog on the left look, he's big old ears blowing in the wind! I love this. This was part of his obit picture. We did a double photo of this and a photo of just him. I love this picture how cool. Here's the little article that ran on the web site yesterday.

My First AWARD!

Many thanks to Darcie for bestowing upon me this wonderful award! I've never gone an awards before. I've been tagged and mentioned but this is my first real blogger award!! Fitting it should come from you Darcie. My pal who shared many a journalism classes with me and the one person, I know for sure, that cringes when they read my blog from all the typos and poor sentence structure. I LOVE YOU! You like me, YOU REALLY LIKE ME!

Here are the rules for this one:

1. Mention the blog that gave it to you and comment on their blog to let them know you’ve posted your award.
2. Publish these rules.
3. Share 6 values that are important to you and 6 things you do not support.
4. Grant the prize to 6 people.

Six Important Values/Beliefs:

1. Aside from sex, baking is the best stress reliever.
2. Good friends make the world go around.
3. I'd rather love me for me and you love for being someone else.
4. Children need to breath fresh air, turn off the tv.
5. Home isn't always where the heart is.
6. With family, more can be way to much.

Six Values/Beliefs I do NOT support:

1. Brat dolls, what the hell are they making those jerky faces for?
2. Skinny jeans ~ I agree but skinny jeans on guys! What the hell. You aren't a rocker move on.
3. Sleeping your way to the top.
4. That theres an easy fix for this mess we call our economy.
5. That Ford really can get me a great deal on a new car. you can't even save yourselves!
6. Make-up before the age of 13.

My six people...... this could be a challenge. Uhm? I like all the blogs I read. Six? here goes
1. Kitty @
2. Sam_I_Am @
3. La Pixie @
4.Diane @
5.Rachel @
6. Melissa @

Enjoy friends!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Go Gobble Gobble yourself someplace else

Since I'm an insanely awesome daughter I have logging plenty of hours at my parents house over the last month (not just watching their cable and eating their food) helping them redo 2 rooms before Thanksgiving. Yes that's right 2 rooms. What can I say they dream big. Let's redo the Dinning room (aside from the kitchen it's the most important room for a holiday dinner) and the living room. Great. Because that wont add even more stress onto our plates, (haha plates, I slay me). So First we stripped the wallpaper off the walls int he dinning room. That in a word. Sucked! in two words ROYALLY SUCKED! Note to self never buy a house with wallpaper and NEVER put up wallpaper. I will slap myself in the face if I ever do those two things. then we had to paint. Put up a new light. Put up the chair rail. Bang our heads into the wall a few times. Because yes we did it all ourselves. why not. what could be the downside there. But on top of this we were ripping the carpet out of the living room, moving all the old stuff out and making room for the new furniture. Packing up all my mom's knickknacks (ie. junk) and packing it away in the basement, I voted for trashing everything but that's not how my family rolls. Yeah good times. My favorite was the carpet.

We had to cut the carpet into strips for the pick ass trash man. So picture this. I'm feverishly cutting the carpet and moving the furniture around, because true to life it's rainy and we can't move the stuff outside to rip the carpet up we just have to move it around the room. That makes things so much easier. Thanks mother nature. I'm on my knees using some crappy scissors that jammed up after each cut. Stupid carpet. Stupid scissors. Stupid remodeling before holidays. Stupid. At one point I yelled at my mother, I'm sure I used a few choice words of encouragement towards the carpet, and a few in my head towards her. When i finished the last cut, my hand throbbing from the blister that formed and busted open during this fun endeavor, I threw the scissors on to the pile of carpet stood up and shouted "You can't beat me CARPET you can't beat me! Now what? Not so tough now huh you stupid pile of carpet!" My mom just looked at me with complete bewilderment. I showed that carpet.

So. Oh boy. It's thanksgiving. Joy of Joy. I'm not big on the family dinners. Yeah I like my family. Oh aren't they swell. I just don't like the uncomfortable gathering around the table when you know 5 out of the 7 people don't really want those two strays there. Look I love my grandmother and aunt as much as I do any other person I'm obligated to love. But they ruin dinner EVERY YEAR. Thanksgiving and Christmas. Ruin to the point I don't really care to attend. I'd rather sit at home and eat chips then go to these dinners. In my defense I've always felt this way. I don't understand the need to completely stress out over an event and ruin the good time. My mom cooks EVERY year. My mom buys all the food. My mom and dad get up early and start the cooking. My mom and dad host it. I get stuck cleaning up EVERY YEAR! now I know it's petty to say I'm not going because I don't want to do the dishes. But I'm not going because I don't want to do the dishes. Maybe this will help you understand. My aunt is in her 50's she lives at home with my grandmother, not because my grandmother needs help (well she does now, but this didn't start out that way) but because my aunt just can't work because working is to hard on her. To stressful and she's to lazy and has let herself get up to 300 lbs., so it's just to much for her to work. She hasn't worked since I was in high school. She doesn't do anything but sit around and mooch off my grandmother. And then has the nerve to say "Welcome to the real world" to me when i complain about paying rent, insurance, car payments, basically when i talk about my bills. She has NO bills. She pays NOTHING. My grandmother bought her a car and paid it off. My aunt does nothing, she contributes nothing to society and it pisses me off. It pisses my mom,my brother and my dad off. My grandmother just gets in the way. She either tries to do to much and gets in the way or doesn't get enough attention so we end up with a trip to the hospital so she feels noticed. I'm not joking this is my holiday. My dad is always on edge because he's mad we have to do everything and they expect us to send tons of leftovers home with them. I hate it. It's never fun. They chew with their mouths open. My aunt always looks like she just climbed out of a dumpster. I don't want to go. Lucky for me my job is a 365 day job. Someone must be here everyday. So I'm he lucky girl working Thanksgiving. There must be a god. I told them to eat without me, i told them to have a fun time. And i told them to find someone else to wash their dishes! So why everyone is raving about their short week mine actually got longer.

Not only do I work the holiday but I'm working Friday also, because I'm dumb and said I would cover for someone who in turn WILL NOT cover for me the next two Sundays. FANTASTIC love the team work. Not only do I have to work my day off but not I'm not leaving to see my family (i want to see them) until Friday afternoon. Missing out on a whole day. Whatever. Lucky for me one of my other co-workers offered to work Sunday so I wont have to rush home (it's a 4 hour drive) and I'm using my last two vacation days in Dec. But I'll miss my friends Body Shop party on the 7th. so is life.

Mama Kat's giveaway

Mama Kat is helping with a giveaway, and if there's one thing i like more than cake it's giveaways! The earrings for the giveaway are really nice. I don't know if I would have anywhere nice enough to wear them but they are very nice. Head over to Mama Kat's to get the 411
or go to Jessica's site at and look at the beautiful jewelry she has to offer. It is after all the season for giving. So feel free to give me lots of stuff. (wink wink)

Smile it's MONDAY!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Super Special me Sunday

Time for another fascinating installment of SUPER SPECIAL ME SUNDAY! So today I will highlight my love for the beach. I love the beach! I love the ocean, the sand, the sun, the warm weather, I love it all. I love all things beachy and beach related. I love the cheap beach stores that sell beach junk. I love the boardwalks (if there is one) the yummy beach food, the smell of salt water and sand. I'm a huge water freak. I love the water. I love the beach. Can you tell I like the beach? Well I have been fortunate enough to have a supertastic best friend who's parents LOVE ME, and took me to the beach every summer with them for like Oh I don't know a decade or so. Something like that. they have a place in Myrtle Beach,S.C. I and I love it there. AHh so nice. So warm, so sunny, so fun. I love that place. So Below are some of my favorites from the beach. Thanks to google for supplying all the photos.

This isn't her parents condo but it looks just like it.

Celebrity square~ Located at Broadway at the beach. This is where all the fun tourist bars are located. We were asked to leave one bar after the guy I was making out with started a fight. good times. The beach~ I love the ocean and the sand. It's so relaxingBarefoot Landing~ an awesome shopping area we love
Our favorite place to eat. YUMMY!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

LMAO almost like lamo but not

The Prompts:1.) The last time I laughed really hard...
2.) Forgive and forget...I think.
3.) I remember when...
4.) Write about something that bothered you this week.
5.) Write a poem about a favorite color.

Go check out if you want to do this weeks assignment!

I’m not much of a poet, I have a tendency to hold a grudge, to much has bothered me but I’v already written about that this week, so I guess I’ll go with the last time I laughed really hard. This is rough. The last time I laughed really hard….hummm? I laugh pretty hard all the time. I’m a funny person (and modest), funny people surround me, I watch funny stuff so I laugh a lot. I love to laugh, who doesn’t. So I’ll just post two things that made me laugh a lot this week. First two photos of the Christmas cards I found. Please don’t think I hate Christmas, I love Christmas. But I’m over the whole “Warm wishes to you and your family on this joyous holiday” card crap. I like off beat things. Here are my 3 favorite I'm really leaning towards #

Everyone always ask me what I'm going to do when I'm standing outside the pearly gates, My response "Hope he's got a sense of humor."
Next is a story on our newspaper web site. This happen last week but the updated story ran today. I love stupid criminals! I highlighted the funny parts! I'm so helpful

The man who police allege vowed to file a complaint after attempting a bank robbery is a former police officer who spent five years in prison for hijacking a UPS driver. Joseph Goetz, 48, of the 1200 block of Crescent Drive in Windsor Township was sentenced to five years in prison in 1997 and lost his job as a Baltimore County Police officer after pleading guilty to two counts of robbery with a deadly weapon and using a handgun in a crime of violence, according to court records. Goetz, who said he thought UPS driver William Yohn was having an affair with his estranged wife, tied Yohn up, put on his brown UPS shirt and drove off with Yohn in the back of the truck, according to court records. Yohn escaped by jumping through the passenger door with his hands tied behind his back. Goetz was arrested Thursday in connection with the attempted robbery of the Susquehanna Bank in the 2500 block of Eastern Boulevard in Springettsbury Township. He demanded money from three tellers, who were waiting for their cash drawers to be filled, Springettsbury Township Police Lt. Scott Laird said. After the first teller screamed and fainted, Goetz demanded the money from a second and third teller, who told him they didn't have any and showed him empty drawers, Laird said. An irritated Goetz then left the bank empty-handed after saying he would file a complaint, police said.Police arrested Goetz less than a half-mile from the bank with the help of a customer at the drive-through window who followed Goetz's vehicle and called 911, Laird said. Goetz was released Saturday from York County Prison after posting $25,000 bail on a criminal attempt to commit robbery charge. His preliminary hearing is scheduled for Dec. 26. When he was in custody, Goetz told Springettsbury police officers that he was a former cop who served time in prison, Laird said. He told officers he thought his estranged wife was having an affair with an UPS driver but ended up hijacking the wrong truck with the wrong driver, according to Laird, who said his officers confirmed the story with Baltimore County police. At his trial in Maryland, Goetz's psychiatrist testified that allergy medication might have caused a psychotic episode that lead Goetz to hijack the truck at gunpoint near the Timonium Shopping Center. Dr. Dennis Kutzer testified that Goetz suffered from a personality disorder, according to court records. Goetz initially pleaded insanity to the charges before agreeing to a plea bargain, according to court records. At sentencing, Goetz asked for leniency, saying he had "no idea" why he committed the crime. He also said he was upset by a long separation with his wife and noted the hijacking occurred on the estranged couple's then-18th anniversary.

Wow what a crap ass criminal!

Wonderful Wednesday

I complain about my job a lot. A LOT. But really, who doesn't? But work isn't always a drag as you will see in my wednesday pictures. Our photo for the summer awards dinner
3 blind mice costumes for 2007

us in the hearse
a dot, a cherry, pacman, a ghost, mc. pacman and a gamer! 2008
We won prizes for both halloween group outfits! I made the pacman outfits. I rock!

See more wonderful wednesday stuff at 7 clown circus

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

It's a twoffer! Two4Tuesday!

Darcie at tagged me. Thanks Darcie. And now you lucky people get to reap the benefits of that tag. Also make sure you check out my post from earlier today. funny stuff there. funny stuff.

5 things to do on my list
  1. Stock pile some money, like a squirrel preparing for winter.
  2. Clean my kitchen floor. for real clean with a mop and some water.
  3. find a part-time job to off set the cost of having my full time job.
  4. figure out how I'll manage Christmas this year.
  5. eat some cake. Ahh come on there should be something good on the list.

5 things i like to snack on

  1. Anything ice cream or ice cream related. Except original ice cream cones, not a huge fan.
  2. Olives, i can eat a whole jar in one sitting.
  3. chips and dip
  4. combos
  5. cheese chunks

5 things I would do if i was a millionaire

  1. Buy myself a really nice house at the beach and one in the mountains and one near here.
  2. set up trust funds for my family (the kids) Jimmy, David, Jessica, Rebecca, Kanyon, Autumn and Rayne. I have it all planned out I would put 1-2 million dollars aside for them which they couldn't touch until they have completed some type of post high school schooling. Be it trade school, college, beauty school, I don't care. I would pay for them to attend ANY school they wanted to reach this goal. I would also provide them with all necessary money. That does not mean I would buy them expensive cars, clothes, or electronics. I would however make sure they needed nothing. They might want shit, but they wouldn't need for anything. After they had finished this schooling on their 25th birthday they would receive the money. I think that's fair. If they don't go to school their money is donated to a charity in there name.
  3. I would send my parents on the best vacation ever because they rock!
  4. I would take all my friends on an awesome trip someplace fun for a month.
  5. I would buy a jet ski. I'm a simple girl

5 places I have lived

  1. york, pa
  2. slippery rock, pa
  3. york, pa
  4. n/a
  5. n/a

5 jobs I've had

  1. cashier at Weis Markets
  2. fashion consultant at Dress Barn
  3. housekeeper at Country Inn and Suites
  4. dietary worker at York County Nursing home
  5. Obit clerk for York Newspaper Company

5 people I'm tagging

  1. Becky, she cracks me up with her pre-school kid stories
  2. Rachel, even though she wont be around for awhile her blog is cool
  3. Kitty, because in real life (life outside blogging) she is my BFF,
  4. La Pixie, because I like reading her blog
  5. Diane, because she always leaves me nice comments on Thursday and her stories are funny

So there you have it. enjoy! Have you noticed I have some link trouble. Well I don't know how to make it just link by the persons name. I know how on myspace but not on here. Help this poor technology challenged girl out please!

TMI.....and i don't mean Three Mile Island

I here by dub today NUTSO DAY at the NEWSPAPER! Actually that's a fitting name any day but truly fitting today. I must have one of those faces. One of those faces that makes people unload on me. Not in a mean nasty yell and scream unloading kind of way, in a tell me your deep dark secrets kind of way. I really don't want to know anyones secret. I'm completely content not knowing your secrets. to much pressure. I've had to keep a few secrets in the last year and I'm so glad most of them are out now. (sigh of relief). I don't understand why a complete stranger would tell another complete stranger anything personal. Maybe I'm the weirdo. But I keep my shit to myself, well figuratively not literally i let waste management handle that. I had a little motto in college and still hold onto it every now and then. Keep your feelings inside where they belong (or blog about them). Well that rings true for your secrets, weird bodily functions conversations, random personal facts, information about your kid (only applies to random strangers at work, i love hearing about your kids!) which I don't care about, and any complaints you have about my appearance, personality, or work ethics. so anywho. I'm helping a lady with her anniversary announcement today, yeah i do those too, and she drops this bomb on me. let me see if this helps explain it. Picture this. I have just handed her back her wedding photo and she is placing it in the album on the other page is a photo of a very young her and very young Mr. old lady and he is removing her garter. following conversation IS NOT EDITED
Old Lady~ (points at the garter photo and says) Yeah my mom gave me nice legs.
Me~ (awkward laughter)
Old Lady~ (smiling) he really liked taking that garter off.
Me~ (refer to my earlier response)
Old Lady~ i was a virgin when we got married.
Me~ (refer to above response)

WTF? TMI! OMG! <---Sorry about that. Just kind of feel into a pattern. Yeah, so would you tell some random girl you met 3 minutes ago your life story? i wouldn't. NUTSO DAY AT THE NEWSPAPER. To prove the whole nutso day at the newspaper theory enjoy this conversation that I witnessed between my co-worker and nutso #2
C-W~ What day would you like this in the paper
Nutso2~ The 27th of November
C-W~ Ok that's a Thursday
Nutso2~ What did that change since last year, it wasn't a Thursday last year? (really happen)
C-W~ Well...yeah the days of the week change every year. Last year it would have fallen on a different day.
Nutso~ Oh Ok.

It's been a weird day here. I can't even imagine all the weird things that I haven't been privy too.

Oh i penned a new letter to Santa and tried to submit it AGAIN for print. Here is what was submitted.

Dear big guy,
I would really like some money for Christmas. If it would be more convenient I could forward my electric bill to you at the north pole. I've been a good girl this year, I'm way to broke to be bad. Along with the money please bring me some food, canned goods would be great. If you need help making toys or pulling the sleigh you could hire me part time as an elf/reindeer. I'm a little tall but I'll stoop down so the other elf's wont resent my height. I'm strong and look good in a harness so if you need a back up reindeer, incase Prancer calls in sick, I'm available. I don't have antlers but I do have a nice rack. Just think if you hired me you might not have to bring as much money and food. If all your canned food and money are on back order I'll settle for a boyfriend. Thanks pal. Enjoy your last week off work. I'll see you on the 24th, if not before.
Amy M.
I'll leave some hot wings and grape soda for you at my place.

Here is what will be printed.

Dear Santa,
I would really like some money for Christmas. If it would be more convenient I could forward my electric bill to you at the north pole. I've been a good girl this year, I'm way to broke to be bad. Along with the money please bring me some food, canned goods would be great. If you need help making toys or pulling the sleigh you could hire me part time as an elf/reindeer. I'm a little tall but I'll stoop down so the other elf's wont resent my height. Just think if you hired me you might not have to bring as much money and food. If all your canned food and money are on back order I'll settle for a boyfriend. Thanks pal. Enjoy your last week off work. I'll see you on the 24th, if not before.
Amy M.
I'll leave some hot wings and grape soda for you at my place.

uhm HELLO McMean met your archenemies CENSORSHIP! Stop trampin on my rights bitch.

p.s. If you don't know what Three Mile Island is google it. learn something new today!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Clear as pure water

Hold onto your underwear people. I have a few different things I would like to mention in my blog today and I'm sure I'll either a) forget a few of them and have to post again or b) it will be a huge mess of words and thoughts that look like a tornado ripped them up and tossed them back in an incoherent way.

First. I love how EVERYONE has an opinion about EVERYTHING in other people's lives. My friend Preggers mentioned this to me the other day. See she is well, with child currently and while she's only 3 months along EVERYONE has advice for her. Do this, don't do this, ignore this myth, read this book, don't do that, eat this, put your hand on your head and jump around for a boy, I think that's how she got into this situation. So I paid more attention and yes EVERYONE we ran into had something to say. I thought we left the PLEASE TELL GIVE ME ADVICE SIGN AT HOME, apparently I was wrong. Well much like that EVERYONE has an opinion on my love life, or lack there of. Don't talk to him, he's a jerk, you should go to the gym more, wear more make-up, do something with your hair, blue looks good on you, I know a guy, join a club, go out and meet people, think positive, he's cute go say hello, give him your number, smile more, slam your head into a wall to get noticed by the hot EMT's. I threw that last one in for good measure. I thought it was bad/sad/borderline pathetic when my 5-year old nephew turned to me and said "I sure hope find a guy to marry soon so you can have a baby." OMG! 5-years old and concerned about my love life. OMG. WOW thanks. Glad to see everyone in my family has concerns and feels they can voice them at anytime. Well apparently that has not been extended to friends, co-workers, extended family, friends boyfriends (my personal favorite, don't they have a keg to go empty somewhere), strangers on the street, and people I deal with at work. See (in case you live under a rock) I work at the obit desk at my local paper. I deal with many many many funeral homes everyday. I have "funeral director friends" you know those people you talk to on the phone all the time but have never meant. I couldn't pick them out of a line up if someone was holding a gun to my head, but we talk everyday. I can recognize their voice and I know tid bits about their lives, families and background. Well there is one funeral director friend who is extra chatty. Always asking me about my life. Have I gone out lately and what have I been up to. Typical small talk but sometimes it gets out of hand. We've discussed gold diggers, strip clubs (the local ones), drinking, and today he asked me if i have found a man yet to marry. He's married and they just had their second child a few months ago so he's not hitting on me. But Again I said Noppers, still alone and single. He asked me what I'm doing wrong, well if i knew the problem would be solved my friend. He said I should go out more, look for a different type of guy, try something new. AHHH people and their opinions.

I wrote a letter to Santa today. Our paper is running letters to Santa for free in the back of the paper. Any letter, no matter how old you are up to 100 words. Here is my letter.

Dear Santa,
I have tried to be on my best behavior, but a year is a long time to be good. I'm sure I wasn't good all the time but I was good some of the time. If you have room in the sleigh can you bring me a brown coat, some new shoes (size 7.5), and a boyfriend (please not an elf). If you don't have room for all that I'll just take the boyfriend. Thanks a bunch. Enjoy the rest of your vacation until Dec 24.
Amy M.
I'm sure you'll be tired of the milk and cookies till you get to my house so I'll have hot wings and beer for you.

They said they weren't sure they could publish it. Something about Santa not being associated with male prostitution. Whatever. And they weren't to keen on the beer comment. Whatever. I'll send it to Macy's they are doing a Santa letter thing I see.

I knew i would forget all the things I wanted to post.
opinions ~
ahh crap I forgot.

It's really cold here (not an original idea). I mean for real COLD and i mean here as in at WORK. My fingers are freezing. I think I'll need to bring some gloves to wear. Guys its OK it's 40 degrees out i think you can throw some wood in the stove and warm this place up. God almighty it's chillin in here. No wonder they gave us fleece blankets last year for a gift.

Oh yeah. I'm sure you will all be thrilled that I remember this fun fact about myself. I've been going to the gym in the morning. Yes me. I've gotten my lazy butt up out of bed. Well today I must be super hydrated. SUPER HYDRATED. I drank a bottle of water at the gym. By bottle i mean my awesome red Walgreens bottle full. It's big. Trust me. then i had a smoothie (i made it strawberry yogurt, pineapple chunks and OJ), a huge glass of water before coming to work, glass of OJ with my toast and i brought awesome red Walgreen's bottle to work with me. In the first two hours i went potty 4 times. 4 times in two hours. I'm like a camel. I can wait HOURS between trips to the facilities. 4 times in two hours. I had to slow my water drinking down. WOW. I did notice the last time (#4) that it's completely clear. Like i could have gotten away with not flushing if i hadn't used any TP. I'm so hydrated I'm peeing CLEAR! WOW!

I don't take requests. This isn't a radio station. But I will humor my friend. We shall call him EKIM. I'm so f`ing creative. I slay me. Anywho. He thought I should blog about things he likes. That's easy enough. EKIM likes red cars, well red stuff in general. He likes Dropkick Murphy, Flogging Molly and beer. He likes his house, I'm assuming he likes his wife since he knocked her up, and he likes stupid humor. I don't mean stupid in a bad sense. I mean stupid in a only a few people think it's funny but those few people are rolling on the ground holding their sides urinating in their pants. If you are up for some good laughs go check out his site it's great. I roll on the ground and urinate in my pants when i watch the videos. Enjoy.
Good day. I said Good day.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Super Special me Sunday

Sometimes I'm not sure what to blog about. When nothing exciting happens or I don't feel like I've done anything note worthy I'm at a lose for text. I've decided to try something new from now on. Sunday will be the day I blog about something I love/like. Something that makes me...well yours truly. Sunday, I now dub thy Super Special me Sunday. I make no promises people, I'm really a rather dull person, that I will be able to carry this on for long. But here goes.

Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you I'm sort a of a nut job. I have a few screws lose. I'm "different" (not in the bad way but also not in a super great way). I have shall we say a bit of a strange obsession for a 27-year old girl. I love M&M figures. I love anything M&M like. It's sick. No really, not cute, sick! I have a ton of dispensers. I have a ton of figures, cookie jars, utensil holders, nightlight, clocks, frames, stuffed guys, you name it I've got it or have it marked on my list of things to buy when i hit the lotto. I'll have to post some pictures of my real stuff someday. Maybe next Sunday. For now google will supply my images. My favorite is Yellow. What can I say I have a soft spot for big goofy (I mean that in the nice cute way) guys. Ah. They make my heart melt. "Him" from Thursdays blog fits in this group of guys.

Red and Yellow. Aren't they a cute team. How could you not want to surround yourself with these guys. I love the commercials they do. so cool. Red is a little bosses like me. But Yellow is so lovable, I just want to eat him all up. Maybe that's where my love for big goofy guys came from. Wow hundreds of dollars and countless hours of therapy and I figured that one out here on blogger. WOW.
Do you remember the commercial with the parents sitting in their sons room looking at the poster and it's a poster of Green coming out of the water. I HAD THAT POSTER. for real. Had it until I moved a year ago and then i retired it to the trash can i believe. Huge props to Michelle for getting it for me from the printing company she worked for. SUPER gift!
Well now you know slightly more about me then you did when you woke up today. You must feel so fulfilled. I'm glad I could breath this small amount of enjoyment and pleasure into your life. Not I'm interested what do you like? What crazy things do you have. If you say Cherished teddies I'll puke all over my computer. I swear to god. upchuck on the monitor.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Those darn high pitched voices

Maria Carey get the F out of my head ASAP! AHHHH. I've been singing her dopey love song all day. I'm a) no in love so not really feeling the love songs, b) not a huge MC fan to start with, c) thinking about banging my head into the wall to make the voice stop! HELP ME!

I'm a total sheep. I love reality TV. It's great. but I don't tend to watch big brother, or survivor anymore. I'm over those shows. I loved the Mole. but my heart pretty much belongs to any of the reality TV junk you can find on BRAVO! Project Runway, Real Housewives, Tim guns Style guide, and of course my all time favorite.....drum roll please Kevin......

I love that show! It's super great. Come on. You have to watch it. If you watch it you will also love it. The stuff they make, I can't even pronounce half of it. I wish I could do the stuff they can do. I'm lucky if I can boil water without much hassle. But there are other reasons I watch that show. One I'm madly in love with the head chef TOM Colicchio! OMG. He's hot. What can I say I'm a sucker for a bald, hot guy who can cook. Below is our engagement photo. I was have an off day.

My photo options were limited. Kinda creepy huh. I'm also a fan of Danny this season. Sorry I'm a suck for a big guy. Trust me. Plus the heavy long island accent doesn't hurt. Not sure whats up with the shaving. He's got some strange lines shaved into his face. But I like me a big goofy guy! and he cooks. AMEN!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I thought I....The first time......poems?.....history....AHHH

I'm having a tough time deciding what to write about. I'm not leaning towards any one prompt. Maybe my brain is on vacation today, maybe I'm to focused on the Start of Top Chef tonight to form a coherent thought. Trust me I'm not capable of multitasking. Really ever to be honest. My best friend wont talk to me while I'm watching TV. apparently I make granting noises and don't really say anything. Whatever. To each their own. Here goes.....

The first time I saw him I knew I liked him. I have no idea why. I still have no idea why. The first time I saw him was in a bar, a bar I would frequent with him and without him often in the following years. I was young, well younger then I am now, and looking for something to make me not so angry anymore. I remember it clear as day. I was sitting at one end of a long line of tables pushed together. He was sitting at the other end. I had no idea who he was, but I noticed him. I thought to myself, he'll never come over if this drunk guy sitting across from me doesn't let up with his "You're pretty" speech long enough for me to tell him to bug off. I was in the last chair on the right side he was sitting at the head of the other end. Someone mentioned his name and I realized I'd heard of him. I knew about him. A quick introduction was made and it's been down hill since then. It's a train wreck of a love/hate "ship" I would never use the word relationship, that implies things. things I'm not to imply when it comes to him. I've never meant someone who I desperately think I hate and desperately care about all at the same time. The first time I saw him I was interested. The first time I saw him I remember like it was yesterday. I've tried to forget, I've tried avoidance but he always comes back, weeks, months, seasons, he always comes back. The first time I saw him give me that sideways glance look, the first time I saw him smile at me, the first time I saw him reach across for me, I remember it all. Sometimes I think the first time I saw him was the beginning of my Doomsday. He's driven me crazy, he's ignored me and treated me like crap, he's made me laugh, made me smile, kept me up forever talking, he's made me pee my pants, gotten me drunk with anger, and caused me to throw a thing or too across the room. I'm not even sure the word train wreck is a good enough description of our ....whatever you might call it. I know it's a bad idea every time. I know in the end I'll walk away a little more jaded and a little more broken hearted then the last time. But I can't seem to help myself. all because of the first time I saw him. The first time I saw him seems like only yesterday.

If you want to do Mama Kats writing assignment go to her blog

Wonderful Wednesday

Stop over at for more wonderful Wednesday

I'm knew to wonderful Wednesday but here goes. I spent some time with my 9 month old twin cousins Autumn and Rayne, over the weekend. It's nice how surrounding yourself with children can totally change your outlook on the day. sometimes for the good sometimes for the bad, but this was a good time. I love watching the amazement in their face when they see someone new or find something new. I was new to them and while they were slightly standoffish in the beginning. when i whipped out that camera, i was their best friend.
We don't know her, get behind me I'll save ya sis!

Deer in the headlights

My world is shiny and new

Call mom, we totally need another play date soon.

I have a nice Blue 2003 Saturn Vue. It's very nice. i love my car, but when i purchased Saturn's take on an SUV the gas wasn't quite as out of control as it is now. Or as it was until recently. I'm not sure how long this good fortune will last. If I had to guess I would say maybe a few days and then it'll sky rocket back up to $4 a gallon. but for now I will REJOICE in this wonderful low prices. I can't even tell you the last time it cost under $40 to fill my tank. See I have the bad habit of letting it get really low. low as in the gas light comes on. blinks furiously and then my car sputters into the gas station. it's not so much a habit as I'm usually to poor to buy gas unless it's pay week. Trust me it's hard to get my little Vue to roll around town for two weeks on one tank of gas. but I've done it.

So i gassed up today at Rutter's and filled my whole tank for $27. $27 I literally jumped for joy at the pump. Gas was $2.15 a gallon. here's my receipt to prove it! For those of you who don't have Rutter's in your area I'm so sorry for you. But it is a York County/Lancaster County thing here in the great Commonwealth of PA. Think of Rutter's as a Wawa, Sheetz, and a much cleaner version of 7/11. I know you must be rolling in envy right now. this day is starting off well for me. THANK YOU RUTTERS! I hope it comes down some more until at least after Thanksgiving as I'm planning a trip and have budgeted $30 out of my pay this week to put towards my gas fund. Cross your fingers.
So the ladies at work and myself are doing a secret Santa for Christmas. they asked me the other week if I wanted to participate and i said sure. I love giving gifts and getting them so why not. I can budget $10-15 for the work exchange. i like these ladies. fun times. I didn't participate last year because I was new and still didn't know to many people, now I know the ladies well so I was all for it. When i get here today I found an envelope taped to my desk that reads "McMean's Secret Santa Name". I said Jeez I didn't even get to pick my own name. they said they picked earlier so someone pulled for me. what a rip off I say but OK I'll deal. then I find out that the person who pulled for checked to make sure she hadn't pulled my name, makes sense. However she did pull her name and now she knows I have her! FANTASTIC! so not only did i not get to pull my own person, but the person I have knows I have her! wont she be surprised when i give her a bag of flaming dog poop. LOL. Oh well.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Kwinky dinky? I think not.

update at bottom!

So If you read my blog and I'm sure you do (I can almost hear the crickets chirping) then you might know I've started working towards a new/ better more wonderful me. I'm eating better, acting better and over all trying to be better and happier in my life. It is after all what you make of it. Well today when I checked my mail I had my first letter back from my Air Force pen pal. I signed up a few weeks back for a solider pen pal. I was pretty excited to say the least when I opened my mailbox and found his letter back. And it's veterans day. How cool. I already mailed my next letter and I have a Thanksgiving card filled out and addressed to mail out next week. My pen pal's letter was really nice and he said he was glad for the mail and hopes to hear from me again. that made me feel good that I'm doing something for someone else who appreciates what I'm doing. I set out to do something selfless and it's rewarding me. odd.

Happy Veteran's Day to ALL VETERANS and their families!

The web address for the adopt a soldier site I used is

Monday, November 10, 2008

Pardon me?

Pardon me? Did I just really hear that? Has that ever happen to you. You hear something or think you heard something but you just can't be sure. You think no way did someone REALLY just say that. No way did I just hear what I thought I heard. If you're lucky someone else is there someone else who has that same inquisitive look on their face. Someone who is also thinking, Did I just hear that. I love those times. I love the strange moments in life. And today I had one of those moments. Today was one of those "did I just hear that" moments. Picture this.

I'm sitting at work typing away minding my own business. Or at least trying to. When all of the sudden I hear one of our political reporters talking on the phone. He talks loud and he's on his cell phone walking around so I can't help but hear him. So I'm typing (type type type type) then I hear this, "Yes we are noticing that there has been a drastic jump in gun sales in preparation for Inauguration Day, it seems people are concerned with ........ (and he's gone). I stop typing mid stroke. WTF? Did I just really hear that? Lucky for me Liz, one of the graphic artist, happen to be walking by at the same time and stopped mid step and we both just looked at each other. Her first words were" did he really just," and I said YUP! WOW. the things you hear in a newsroom.

It reminded me of the time Kitty and I heard the R. Kelly song where he says, "I like the girls that keep the dick up in them." Here we are driving out of the condo parking lot at the beach and we both just do that "Hum did he just say" yeah I think he said that" WHOA! For someone who was fighting a sex with minors battle at the time that seemed like really bad PR for him.

So that was my "did he just say that moment" today. Fun fun.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

The weekend in rewind

What a long a laid back weekend. I do, in a nutshell, nothing. Having Friday off is a drag/ great thing. It gives me a day to do stuff without much interruption since everyone else, just about, works on Friday. I can do my laundry, clean the apartment, read, watch TV, and have some good old quality ME time. The down side is, I have time to clean my apartment, which literally takes 10 minutes. I have time to watch TV, which really just rots my brain since I'm logging hours with The Steve Wilckos Show. I can do my laundry but since I get up around 8:30 a.m. I'm done that in about 2 hours, makes for a long day. I like hanging out and relaxing, but the consent ME time is a bit much. Trust to much me, is definitely TO MUCH ME! By the time my mom gets home I'm at her house, stuffing my face with chips, yelling swear words at the TV, and begging her for some human interaction or to take me someplace because I'm so bored. However I usually just end up at home counting down the minutes until my friend gets off work. Tick, Tick, tick! Good times. This Friday was no different. Cleaned my shoe box sized apartment, went to my parents to do laundry, watched TV(quality TV might I add, Days of our lives, and Real Housewives), took a trip to BJ's Wholesale with my mom after work and then went home. GOOD TIMES!

I bought some new clothes for work. You know you've hit a low point in your life when the most exciting thing in your life is a new sweater. But I'm stocked to wear my new sweater and brown pants to work. Super cute, but really itchy. I need to find something to wear under it first. Why are clothes so difficult! GRR. I also bought, and by I a mean my mom, a light green cardigan and some new black pants. Merry Christmas to me!

I did however pick up a new pair of boots. Clam down not awesome black boots that go half way up my leg. I'm a chubby girl and can't seem to find any that will cover my calf. GRR. I bought totes waterproof winter boots for, wait for it wait for it, hunting. Yes that's right I said hunting. I hunt, I've hunted since I was 12 and except for a brief hiatus while away at college I've hunted every since. This November I'll be traveling to my aunts home in southern Maryland with my cousin, her husband, and A family friend to do a little hunting and I needed some new mud stompers. To all the card carrying PETA people. Good for you. good for you for having a cause you believe in and stand for. I think that's great. I understand your concerns and I see some of your reasoning. I'm a pretty open minded person and I see the grey areas in most debates. You know the areas each side tries to pretend aren't there. they are. Give it up. There is no 1 right side to be on. Have your protests, throw your paint on fur coats, whatever, but don't expect that to change a damn thing. I mean really hows that working out for you so far? Do your thing. Because I'm going to hunt regardless of whether you think it's right or not. Your angry protests and sit-ins, or whatever you tree hugging animal loving people (I mean that in the nice way) do, wont ruffle my feathers. I don't hunt for trophy animals, I would never kill something that was endanger but I will hunt for sport and food. Last winter 90% of the protein in my diet came from venison. My freezer was full all winter and still has evidence of last years hunting season lingering around. I hope this year is as successful. I'm not a savage killer or an inhuman person. Just as I'm sure you aren't really a nut job. Everyone has their beliefs and values. You can protest whatever you want, a perk to living in this great country, another perk, So can I. I just ask that in your soapbox speech of tolerance for animals and life you realize that you are what you preach. Step back and look around at the intolerance you have towards the people like myself who disagree with you. Or the intolerance you have towards the fur coat wearing person you just doused with red paint because they are doing something you don't agree with". I must have missed that day in school when you become judge and jury. I must have been sick that day they gave out power of ABSOLUTE rightness to a select few kids. Who would have thought a few people out of BILLIONS of people in the world hold the power to be RIGHT ABOVE ALL ELSE, and there fore have the right to vandalize and project their believes onto a whole society of people who go against what they think is right. Funny I was absent that day, good thing Alex Pacheco, Ingrid Newkirk (I'm assuming you CCM of PETA know them) Hitler, Osama Bin Laden, Fidel, Stalin, and Bush were there to see us through. Because in the end that's what I think it's about. If I can tolerate your protests and animal rights movements I would expect you to be as tolerant to me. Other wise what do we have?

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Gnarly drains

MY CAR IS FIXED! I'm so excited i can't wait to have my wonderful car back and in working order. I can't wait to open my backdoor! Ah it's been so long. No need to throw things over the backseat anymore. I can happily place it in the back Thur the backdoor. So convenient. thank you Auto Body Shop!

Yesterday I did by far one of the grossest things ever. I cleaned out my tub drain. I noticed my shower was draining really slow, but to be honest, I didn't care. I figured I would start to care when the tub didn't drain at all. Now I've lived in my tiny tot apartment for about a year and a half. I love my little bitty cardboard shack, but I never thought about cleaning out the drain. I mop the floors, scrub the tub, vacuum, dust (OK maybe not dust) but I try to keep it tidy. Not anal tidy but decent looking tidy. Well yesterday I had some time to kill before work so I figured oh what the heck why not. I got my screw driver and started unscrewing the drain cover. Well that was a chore because as I found out the gross HAIRBALL clogging the drain was wrapped tightly around the screw and had what I can only describe as rat tails that were stretched down the drain. It was so gross. It took me almost 20 minutes to that gnarly mess off the screw. It involved ripping, cutting and rinsing the smelly gunk off a few times. But now my shower could bet your shower in a drain-a-thon. (thats that bad winner coming out of me).

Have a fantastic weekend everyone!. If you read my blog on Thursday's for Mama Kat's workshop don't forget to stop back every other day and leave me some love!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Because I can't wait wait wait

I posted this after I posted my texting prompt. You should read both. Very funny, not to toot my own horn, but I'm a funny girl. TOOT TOOT!

I've decided on which prompt I'll be posting for tomorrow and can't wait to post it. I like that Mama Kat gives us a little more time now, but I'm dieing to post my prompt. See I'm that person. I'm the person everyone hates at holidays and birthdays. I want to TELL you what it is I got you, as soon as I get it. the anticipation of the surprise is to much for me. I want to know what all my presents are, because there's no way I can wait to find out. I'm a present snoop. I'm almost 27 and i still snoop around my moms typical hiding places to find out what I'm getting. When i buy someone a gift I tell them right away that I have something for them and ask if they want to know. I'm horrible. I should be taken out and shot. I bought my BFF tickets to go see Rent and I couldn't wait for her to come home for Christmas I called her and told her a few days after I purchased them. I suck. So I've decided after editing my post for tomorrow 3 times I would do the pet peeves post. I still feel like I'm breaking the law, so it's good.

My top 10 pet peeves.

10. I hate obligatory conversation. Like when my boss stops at my desk and I feel obligated to acknowledge her, even though the only thing I'm thinking when she stops is "Why hasn't the zoo come looking for their lost hippo yet?"

9. Accusations of not listening. I have a co-worker, be it a friend of mine, but she's overly chatty. When I get to the office the first thing I do is sing on to my computer, pull up my email and blog and take care of business. She wants to chat about her life, diet, work, shoe size...whatever. I'm usually not listening. She's right. But a blind man can see that when I'm blogging and reading my many favorite blogs, I'm as attentive as a man watching the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders warm up.

8. Fast food workers. I know most of them aren't bad. Most are great. But the few that suck really tick me off. I hate the ones with the attitude that act like getting my whooper is so beneath them. Last time I checked Burger King wasn't actively recruiting teenage kids at the arcade, so you must have come looking for this job. So when i pull up to hand you my money reach your hand out and take it. If I have to put my hand through the window to hand it to you one more time I'm going to reach a little farther and grab that huge gold earring out of your lobe. Meet me half way on this burger wench.

7. Running late. I get it from my dad. WE must be on time, all the time. If it even appears like we might be getting close to the point where theres a possibility we might leave the house a moment late, I'm pissed! I'm breaking a sweat like whatever function we are heading off to will be swallowed up by a huge black hole before we get there. Come on I can't miss the black hole!

6. My mother. She ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS goes places without her glasses and then forces me to read everything on the Menu to her because she can't see it. Or she can't read the debit card machine, or the product description, or her receipt, or KILL ME PLEASE!

5. People who say things like "she's a Be-Och!" or "For shizzle" Look suck it up and say BITCH, you meant BITCH so say it. Otherwise you are acting like a BE-Och!

4.Push sales clerks. If I've said I'm just looking please go away. I worked in retail I understand you are just doing your job. But please go away. I am far more likely to leave a store because you wont leave me alone then I am to leave the store because I can't find the white blouse. Trust me, if I need you I will ask for your help. I just can't stand those shadow clerks who wont go away. I don't need help, I'm not going to steal, and I don't think you're cute. go away.

3. Taco Bell's cheapness. Come on give me some cheese already you jerks!

2. People who walk into the bathroom and use the first stall to do #2. Go down to the last one or one on the end. Why poop right next to the door.

My number 1 pet peeve is

1. People who use the stall right next to me in an EMPTY bathroom. It's just me you and 10 stalls and you pick the one RIGHT NEXT TO ME? Why? No really why? Is it a security issue do you feel more comfortable peeing literally 8 inches from me. Because I don't. I don't like having someone sitting 8 inches away from me pushing out a turd while I'm trying to pee. Skip a stall, it's just you me and 10 stalls. Please don't go right next to me, that's gross.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

A text of a time

That crazy Mama Kat is at it again. This weeks writing prompts are something else. I've decided on #3. check out the choices and stop over at her site if you want to do one.

1.) You awaken with amnesia in what looks to be an igloo. You have $4 and a rock in one pocket, and a toothbrush in the other. Someone is staring at you. Write this scene.
2.) Write a 16-line poem (rhyming or non-rhyming) about a moment from your childhood that changed your life for the better.
3.) You're sitting at work one day and receive a text message from an unrecognized number. The text says, "I have the money and hid the body." You think this is a practical joke from a friend, so you play along at first. But the more texts you receive, the more you realize that it isn't a joke. Write the text conversation you have with this unknown texter.
4.) 10 of my absolute worst pet peeves...
5.) Fictionalize an event that happened to one of your parents, friends, or siblings

"Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?". I've never been overly religious but I'm pretty sure from the countless hours of Law and Order I've watched the correct answer is YES, or I DO, wait maybe that's from a wedding story. FOCUS Amy this is real life. "Um...Yes".

"Please take a seat Ms. McMean" I feel my whole body start to shake in that tiny witness stand. I should have just erased the message, I should have just ignored it. I should have been working and not playing snood and texting people to begin with. But it's a tad late for "I should'ves" now. It's time to face the music, it's clear I wasn't a party to this mess, just an unfortunate bystander. I'm sure they will understand, the police seemed to understand. Wow that's the guy. He looks....well not as menacing as I had thought. FOCUS Amy! the man in the suite is coming your way! FOCUS!

"Ms. McMean can you please explain the happenings of (glances down at his notes) November 4, 2008."

"I got up and voted. I went to work like normal."

"And then Ms. McMean? Explain what happen later. What is it you told the officers later that evening"

"I was working and I received a text message. I um...didn't recognize the number, but I thought it was just my friend Deakster. We joke around a lot and I thought it was him."

"Really you (points at ME, this guy must have gone to HARVARD he's so quick) and your friend think it's funny to joke about money and dead bodies?"

Hum? How do I answer that? If i say yes, I'm a sick fuck, if i say no, I'm a fibber, I just said "I thought it as my friend and we joke around" ah Christ. "I work at the obit desk so talking about dead bodies is the norm for me."

"So you claim to not know my defendant, You claim you weren't advising him as to what he should do, but he claims he knows you. He claims you are his partner in crime and we have the text messages that would claim HE, not you, is telling the truth."

NOT LOOKING SO GOOD SLICK. They always told me my sense of humor would be my downfall. Good game Christ. "That guy makes stuff up, I've never seen him in my life. I swear I thought it was my friend joking with me."

"How about you read your messages (hands me a list) and I'll read my clients."

My eyes dart over to the DA's desk and she nods her head. We went over this before court. I'll read my stuff and explain what happen. Everything will be OK, she old me. Yeah well Ms. Barbie over there with her polished hair and shiny shoes isn't the one being linked to this nut job killer. Everything hasn't been fine, and I'm not so sure she has a real Law degree. I know how she got to the top and I don't think it was her study habits. But she's my legal counsel so, here goes.

~I have the money and hid the body just like you told me to.
Me~ LOL just like I told you.

~I did what we had planned.

Me~ Hooray we are rich.

~I don't know about rich but we've got some dough now. This was a great idea.

Me~ I'm full of great ideas. So what are you doing?

~Cleaning up the blood from inside the van

Me~ Yeah you should just torch it, don't you watch Law and Order. This was to easy.

~U R right. I'll find a nice place and burn the thing to the frame.

Me~ So wheres the body, maybe I'll do the obit tomorrow

~Where you told me to put it

Me~ In the freezer?

~Should I put it there?

Me~ If you don't want it to smell

~I used a knife, it's such a mess. I tossed the pieces in the river.

Me~ Should have used the chainsaw like in American Psycho. The river is lame

~To time consuming. You told me in the river.

Me~ I know I know. You want to watch a movie tonight.

~? NO. I want to get out of Dodge tonight. I just bought us train tickets

Me~ No really do you want to watch a movie?


Me~ I have to get back to work, it's been fun I'll talk to you later kick the dog for me

~?What dog? What are you talking about? I'll pick you up at 5 like planned and we'll get out of here.

"According to the police report you told the officers that you over heard something on the police scanner at work?"

"Yeah it was at that point I heard a voice on the scanner say they were responding to a van fire in an abandoned lot near the train station. Suddenly I thought things seemed odd."

"It took hearing this on a police scanner to think something might be odd?"

"I told you I thought it was my friend joking around. I......(tearing up) I'm not involved with this murder. (turning to the jury and gripping the edge of the witness stand) I know it looks bad, I'm sure it looks bad, but I didn't.....I never......

"Objection your honor."

"I thought it was a joke!"

"I ask that the jury be instructed to disregard this emotional outburst."

"You are asked to put this out of your mind. Continue reading Ms.McMean"

Me~ Where r u?

~ Leaving the train station?

Me~ There's a van fire being reported near the train station.

~ Those fire geeks are quick!


~I didn't think they would get here this fast.


~Stop messing around

an hour later~Hey

two hours later~partner we are almost done don't get cold feet now.

5 p.m.~ Where are you? It's 5 you aren't here.

"Ms.McMean where were you? Why did you stop talking to your "friend"? Or should I say accomplish?"

"I was at the police station reporting what I knew. I realized it wasn't my friend and I knew I had to tell someone."

"Well according to my client you planned the whole thing. You picked the mark. YOU talked him into it. YOU arranged the money drop. And then YOU turned him into the police. And we have the text messages of you confessing to all of that. And you're defense is (turns to the jury and throws his hands up in the air) I thought it was a joke?"

Tears streaming down my face I chocked back a few breaths sat up wiped my eyes looked him dead in the face and said, "I think I might vomit!"


Everyone has a story

Can you feel it? Feel the anticipation in the air, the excitement brewing in those free Starbucks coffees? That’s the voting bug! So here’s my voting story.

At 8:15 a.m. I leapt out of bed and got dressed in my best voting outfit. A steelers hoodie (hoping their winning spirit might bleed off onto my voting machine), a pair of black yoga pants, and my sneakers, Yeah nothing but the best for election day. Iwalked down to my polling place ready to stand in line and let my voice be heard. I got down to the fire hall a little less then a block away from my apartment to find the parking lot full but no sign of a line. I figured maybe the line would be around the side of the building, but no. I wont lie this was a bit of a let down for me. I was all amped up to wait in line. I had prepared myself for the “idea of a line” and took a few extra patience pills. I couldn’t wait to rub elbows with my friendly neighborhood people and listen to the polite conversations. This did not happen. I walked right in provided my name and ID and then was ushered over to the machine where I cast my vote. All in all maybe a 5 minute process. The walk up and back took longer then the actual voting. A strange thing happen while I was there, the women with the stickers WOULDN’T let me put my own sticker on. She said some crap about how she had to place it on me and really WOULDN’T let me do it myself. As she moved closer with the sticker I backed up more. A little to close old lady, a little to close. Then she placed it on the collar of my hoodie, if there is such a thing, and I walked away thinking “how odd she was”. When I got back to my comfy apartment I settled down to watch the interesting coverage of Obama voting in Chicago, thanks to the TODAY show. OH BOY! Then they broke away to a few different cities and talked about the lines. I thought to myself, uhm? My place must suck. We must have the uncool polling place. those people are so luck, they ahve lines to stand in. Then the local news broke in to say that one of the polling places in our city had a 2 hour wait and that really ticked me off. I wanted to wait in line, I think because I wanted to see the large turnout. I wanted to be able to say, “Yeah I stood in line for 2 hours in the rain with no shoes to vote.” But instead what I’ll say is “It took 5 minutes and I was outtie”.

Since I was up early I did something I’m never up for, I made breakfast. I fried up some bacon. Yummy. And tried to make a pancake. Tried being the important word there. I am incapable of making pancakes. Who can’t make pancakes? This girl right here. I can bake you some great cookies, cupcakes, pies, and cakes; I can make really good meatloaf, beef stew, pork chops, and salad. But pancakes, no way. Fuck pancakes. I don’t really even like them that much, but I was fresh from the disappointment of the no line thing and thought bacon, pancakes, tea and the TODAY show would lift my spirits. The bacon was good the tea was refreshing and warm, the pancake SUCKED! It wouldn’t cook, it got really hard and biscuit like and tasted like water. YUCK! Not thrilled. After which I felt the need to wash the dishes to get rid of all traces of the pancake mishap. My pancake ended up in 3 different pieces, smashed and gross. Yuck.
So that was my morning. Voting, bacon and disappointment. Maybe the pancake could feel the pressure I was putting on it to TURN out for once and just couldn’t hack it. Way to suck at life pancake.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Like Nike says.....just do it

I'm not on a soap box. I don't care if you vote for McCain or Barrack. I just care that you vote. do your job. If you don't care enough to vote, WAKE UP! Set an example for your friends, family and children. GO vote. There are a bunch of men and women who fought to have this right and fight for us to keep it, do your part. Get up a few minutes earlier, go to the polls after work, stand in line to be heard. It's one day to decide the next 4 years. I think you can manage. and just think you get a super cool little sticker if you do. and if you don't that's your choice, be it the wrong choice in my opinion but a choice none the less.

Here's how i see it. If you vote you have the right to bitch and complain all you want for the next 4 years. If you vote feel free to speak your mind about how you feel the president, local officials and Washington are doing.

If you do not vote tomorrow, sit back, shut your mouth and say nothing for the next 4 years in regards to your state or federal government and the elected officials you were to lazy to get up and go vote for or against. You can't spare some time to vote then I can't spare ANYTIME listening to you run your mouth about whats wrong with our government. Whats wrong with our government is you. So if you don't vote I don't want to hear a peep out of you about the economy, about taxes, about the Iraq war, about how goofy you think the president is, how bad Washington is doing, that your school taxes went up, that gambling is coming to PA or anything for that matter. My response would be SHUT your lazy fucking mouth. Because you must not care enough about those topics to actually vote so I don't care enough about your stupidity to actually listen.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

boggitty boo

I’m so glad this week is over. Not that I don’t enjoy Halloween, or all the days of the week, but this week has been hellish at work. Between golden child and I doing the work of 4 people, trying to get out the celebrations page (because God forbid your wedding not be my top priority), all the sheriff sales and making the pacman costumes for Friday. I’m exhausted. I’m sitting here at work literally watching the minutes tick away, work is so slow here today. And I’m dead tired; pardon the pun (I work at the obit desk for our local paper). I can’t wait for my ONE big glorious day off tomorrow. What pray tell am I doing on this long awaited day (I’ve worked 6 days straight), laundry, clean my apartment, clean out my car, watch TV, read the paper, go see my nephew and go to bed. OH BOY! Huge day off plans!

I have to admit the slow pace today has been nice after such a hectic week. Besides, it’s November now and I’m sorry to say it’s dead season. Don’t shoot me I’m just the messenger, but it is. Statistically more people die around the holidays and during the winter. And if last year is any reflection on this year we will be up to our necks in funerals. Sorry if anyone is offended. I’ll say this once. To work at he obit desk you need to have 3 things.

A twisted sense of humor. Funny stuff doesn’t happen at your job so you will start to see funny things in the obits. My favorite is when they make the claim “She was the best grandmother in the world” I ask where is the factorial data to back up that claim

You need to have come to terms with your own mortality otherwise you’ll spend the first 2 months being completely depressed and fixated on death and what happens after.

A thick skin. You are dealing with people during the hardest time of their lives and while they might not always be nice you need to be. Plus if you don’t have a thick skin you better just buy some stock in the tissue companies. You can’t be sitting around a blubbery mess all day tears flowing and getting all over the place. Buck up trooper.