Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Hell. Have you been?

So I’m confused. Yeah I know you all must be so shocked by that statement. What doesn’t confuse me you might be asking yourself? Well I don’t know. I can rattle off a laundry list of things that do.

That damn I before E rule, that really hold almost no water.

Big Brother, no not mine, the show. But yeah mine also, he makes about as much sense as my spelling and grammar (LOL word just marked 3 of my last 4 words as spelled incorrectly). Twosha (?) word.

Algebra. Wow I had Alge 1 and 2 both twice, I’m slow on the uptake what can I say, and still no clue.

World hunger. What’s that about? I don’t trust that old Santa looking guy who wants my 30 cents. Really, 30 cents and I like basically own a child. No really OWN a CHILD! I see what you’re thinking but lets be honest, If I’m supplying the child with food, an education and a home, I own said child. I tell them when they can eat (I pay for it) I tell them if they can go to school or not (I pay for it) I give them water, I OWN THEM! So No thanks Santa I’m pretty sure there’s a proculation against owning people. Look it up. I’m no slave owner.

Peaches and cream, you know what I mean?

But I really don’t understand how it can be so cold in HELL. I mean maybe I’m wrong. (glancing around) but this appears to be hell to me. I have never actually been to hell, I know it’s hard to believe, but I have been told more then once I’ve earned myself a one-way ticket to eternal damnation. I hope the flight doesn’t get over booked that would really piss me off. Could you imagine having to fly standby to hell. Wow imagine the people who fly first class. Hitler, Stalin, that weird exercise guy with the ponytail and fanny pack….I don’t know his name, but I’m sure he’s on the plane to hell, the dude inside the Barney costume. All puppet-wearing people should be on the fast track to hell if you ask me. For some reason our office must always be at 50 degrees (that’s being generouse). Should my hands be cold as I’m typing? My skin gets really groos looking when I’m cold. All splotchy and discolored. Trust me it’s gross. Ask Kitty she’ll confirm this fact. It was so gross we couldn’t even be friends at first because of it. Trust me gross. I swear to Buddha that my nipples just packed up and jumped off my body and are hitch hiking to California or New Mexico. What I don’t know where nipples go other then in mouths? Literally this just happen. Bye bye guys. I swear after a day of throbbing nipples I’m kind of glad they packed up and left, although this could be hard to explain in the heat of the moment sometime. “Well one day at work, it was really cold so they said peace out and left. Huh? Just like this, hey where are you going kind sir?” Oh I can’t wait!
Well I have work to do so peace out……………..

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