Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Two peas in a pod

This post is devoted to my one and only BIG BROTHER. I've mentioned him before (not always in a glowing light, but he doesn't do much to brag about). Big Brother is 28. And he's well. My Big Brother. (un)Fortunately for me he's the only Big Brother I'll have, more so the only brother....well the only sibling (aside from through marriage) I'll ever have. It's just me and YOU kid!
Well Big Brother and I have a relationship of mutual tolerance and annoyance. I would like to say I'm the tolerant one and he's the annoying one. But I think it's more fair to say it's an even split. We have our days when we get along GREAT. We also have our days when I can't get two words out with out being beaten down (metaphorically and physically). Yes Dear friends we still fight and punch each other. You'll be happy to know it's not has violent as it once was. Usually I'll sneak a quick punch in the gut as I ran past him. Or he'll slug me int he arm when i wont shut up. It hurts. It always hurt.

According to my mother and grandmother. We didn't ALWAYS fight. We used to be best pals. good friends. This I DOUBT. I have some serious issues with these "stories". I often wonder if it wasn't their way of getting us to get along. According to family legend if i was being punished for being bad and had to sit int he corner Big Brother would come and sit next to me with his arm around me and tell me everything was going to be ok. I've asked them if they took notice to the fact that maybe he wasn't comforting me, me he was chocking me or threatening to rip barbies head off if I told on him. However, this incident i remember like it was yesterday. My mom had her arms around me and was restraining me. We were sitting on the steps into our old kitchen and she was forcing something into my mouth. I believe it was soap or pepper. I'm not sure. Apparently I had used one of the less desirable words and this was my punishment. Well Big Brother came in all Rambo on her ass and hit her in the head with the butt of his toy rifle. Suddenly my potty mouth wasn't so important anymore.

Big Brother has taken the heat a few times for me. Once when my parents discovered we had a party while they were away, Big brother took the fall for the whole thing. Once when i crashed the four wheeler into the fence and was left with huge bruises all over my arms and chest, Big brother let her think he had hit me so she wouldn't take the four wheeler away from us. .........Yeah I think that's it.

don't be fooled by the smile and the cool swim shorts. He TORTURED me every chance he got. From daily fist fights, to farting in my face (which he still does, did i mention he's 28). He was pure Big Brother MEAN. after all we are only 18 months apart.

  • Once he took my training wheels off after my parents told him not to. According to him "I was a big girl and didn't need them anymore" Then he told me to go up to the top of the very UNEVEN, ROCKY hill and take my maiden voyage. OK. Here I go. And the Big jerk leaves and goes into the house and no one sees me sail right into the rock and gush blood from my face. thanks for the scar, what a perfect keepsake.
  • Or the time my mom found him trying to cut my toes off with my dads sword.
  • His favorite past time was running his remote control cars, drills, or anything that turned against my head so it would get tangled up in my hair.
  • Once he spray painted my head black and dumped a feather pillow on my head. I can only assume he was learning about tar and feathering people at school.
  • numerous times he held me down and farted in my face, pushed me in the creek, threw sand in my face, or rode his bike way to fast while I was on skates being pulled behind him.

Fun guy huh? but for better or worst (mostly worst) he's my big Brother. Today we sat across from each other in his living room while I explained I'd bought 5 poster boards to color and write on to make OUR Dad birthday signs for his 60th birthday this weekend. My brother looked blankly at me. Here is the conversation

  • Me~ I thought I would leave 3 here for you and you can do birthday signs for dad that we can put in his yard. I got different colors and markers and stuff.
  • BB~Why?
  • Me~ Because I thought it would be nice. I think he would like it. Damn he's 60! That's pretty old.
  • BB~Huh
  • Me~So I'll need you to come up with some way to stick them in the ground or maybe you could put wholes in them and we can tie them around the poles on the porch.
  • BB~Great (unenthusiastically). I have some thinner lumber we can use for stakes.
  • Me~Ok.
  • BB~ Wow 3 of them. you want me to do 3 different ones. These things are pretty big.
  • Me~ (shaking my head) Well I thought Maybe YOU could do 1 and You can help Kanyon do 1 on Friday when he gets here. And maybe Jan would like to do 1. So that would be 3.
  • BB~ Oh. Yeah ok.
  • Me~ dude your unemployed right now, what else do you have to do?
  • BB~ watch tv.

My Big Brother Ladies and Gentlemen!


Diane said...

I've had the brother blues my whole life. If it helps, yours sounds like an angel compared to mine.

La Pixie said...

gotta love family. cant live with em, cant live without em!

The Rambler said...


The farting part made me laugh.