Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Why? Why is my life so predictable and why can’t I stop these things from happening before they happen. I tell my friends and family time and time again that I’m not the happily ever after girl. I’m not going to find prince charming and ride off into the sunset of warmth and love. I’m not. Could I be wrong? Maybe. Do I hope I am? Hell yeah. But in the last 4 years I’ve been right about everything. I was right when I thought calling Bailey was waste of my time. I was right about Lou being a nut job. I was right about James. It’s me. I know that. I’m the link between all these shitty situations. Me. I’m horrible at picking guys. I’m horrible at thinking that maybe this yucky love thing could work for me. Just once I want to be wrong. I just once, would be nice. I was right when I thought Ben was going to break up with me. I was right about everything. I hate it. I don’t want to be right about this. I don’t want to be an old spinster with a bunch of cats. I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy. I’m not a bad person. But everyday it’s gets a little harder to believe that. Everyday I say it a little less. Everyday I think maybe I am. Everyday. It hit me like a freight truck last night (I can say that I’ve been hit by a freightliner) I knew it was coming just like in my accident. I knew it before I even got there. I knew it before she even told me. I knew it from the look on his face when I walked into the bar. I knew it when he couldn’t look me in the eyes. I knew it when for the first time since I meant him, he didn’t charge me for my drink. I knew it. And it sucked. And somewhere along the line I was shocked. Somewhere I had started to believe, maybe everyone was right, maybe this could work out to something more then it was. Somewhere along the line I bought into the hype. I told everyone I wasn’t expecting anything that he didn’t like me that it wouldn’t come together. But I didn’t believe that, I didn’t want to believe that. I wanted to be wrong. But I thought it wouldn’t suck so badly if I acted like I knew it was coming. It still sucks. I’m not dumb I know how this story goes. Why buy the milk when you get the cow for free. I swore up and down I wouldn’t get into this situation again. Not after the crap with Bailey. I swore I wouldn’t. I told everyone I couldn’t handle the casual thing. I knew better from the moment he looked at me. But I did it anyway. I have no one to blame but myself. I knew better. I just wish I hadn’t been right. I just wish he were what I hoped he would be. I just wish I really didn’t care. But I do.
I need to work on making myself happy. I need to worry about me. I hope you enjoyed the comic. It made me smile.

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