Thursday, October 9, 2008

10 big old fat fears

I’ve decided to hop on the bandwagon and do Mama Kat’s writing assignment. So here are the prompts to pick from.
Choose a prompt:
1.) my 10 biggest fears.
2.) When I'm upset...
3.) Weave a poem that contains all these lines (in no particular order): "I tie the ribbon in a foolish way", "the delicious fragility of this travesty", "where we still laugh and wish".
4.) Write about a memory related to a holiday.what are my 10 biggest fears?

It’s hard to pick just 10 things I’m afraid of. Just 10 things that keep me up at night huddled in the corner of my room with the blankets pulled up tight around my face clutching my crucifix and a wooden stack in the other hand. My 10 BIG ones, my bestest fears on the long list are as follows.

10. I fear snakes. Those beady little eyes, the forked tongue, scalded body and the fact that they DON’T HAVE LEGS, just FREAK me out. No legs. I don’t trust anything that moves from places to place without legs. Correction~ I don’t trust anything that moves on LAND without legs. I wouldn’t say I’m an untrusting person; I would refer to myself as cautious. Snakes are just creepy little slithering creatures that I can do without in my life. I believe the urban legend about the lady finding a snake in her toilet. I BELIEVE IT! I often wonder about that. What would I do? MOVE. I would move far away. I didn’t always fear snakes; I blame my one and only great brother. There’s just something about the sight of a live GIANT black snake being hurled at me from across the parking lot to make me fear snakes. I know snakes don’t fly, but that one did. Well it was more catapulted across the parking lot at me by my loving brother. Keep those slithering sneaks away from me.

9.I’m afraid that I’ll never make it out of this dead end job (no pun intended, I’m an obit clerk) and find something that moves me. I want something that moves me not just a job that moves me from my house to work and back. I want something more then just a 9-5 time filler/ bill payer. I want a job that leaves me feeling accomplished, and I’m afraid I’ll never find that. I’m afraid it’s to late. I want to be able to proudly answer the now dreaded question” What do you do?” you wouldn’t believe what a mood killer, “I’m an obit clerk” can be. Well, maybe you do.

8. I’m afraid of organized religion. I don’t like anyone telling me how to think or what to feel. I understand religion is a very personal and often volatile topic but it scares me. I’m afraid of the people who see no gray area when it comes to religion. I’m afraid of killings in the name of God/ Allah/ Muhammad or whoever your religious icon is. I’m fearful of people who preach God’s love but feel no compassion for someone just because they have a different belief. I have too many questions about religion to believe there is only one true answer.

7. I’m afraid of what we are teaching young girls about their body. I don’t remember thinking I was fat or ugly when I was a child. I was a kid. I played. I ate. I got dirty. I was never preoccupied by my weight or looks until at least high school. I’m afraid of the clothes they make for young girls. The short skirts, and halter tops in the children’s section concern me. Why would a child need to wear that? Why would a parent want to buy that for them?

6. I’m afraid I’ll never meet someone and have the happily ever after fair tale life. I’m afraid that my future holds a bunch of toads and no Prince Charming. I’m concerned that one day I’ll settle for Prince Alarming just so I’m not alone anymore.

5.I have a fear of failure, but who doesn’t. I’m looking for a new job but nothing is as discouraging as the fear of failure. Sometimes I let my fear of failure stop me from applying for a different job, approaching the guy I like, or trying something new. I wish I had more faith in myself.

4. I’m afraid of the unknown. I need stability. I need plans. I could never do what Taylor does. I could never pick up and move to another state across the country where I know exactly ZERO people. Maybe that ties in with the fear of failure.

3. I’m afraid that people really do think I’m a mean person. I’m afraid that my shyness and lack luster attitude turns people away before I realize I’ve done it. I don’t know how to change that. I don’t know how. I try to be more out going, friendlier, talkative but that only seems to creep out the people who know me. I’m afraid that my “let them make the move to be my friend” attitude has landed me a first class ticket to Lonely Ville.

2. I don’t have kids, and I’m afraid I might never. My friends and family say I will, but not everyone is gifted with children and a husband; maybe I’m that person. I’m afraid that I’ll always be Aunt Amy and never Mommy. I hate when people tell me that isn’t a justified fear, there are plenty of people who end up not married or without children. How can you say that isn’t going to be me with absolute certainty?

1. My number 1 fear is that one-day I’ll get married and have a family and my parents wont see it. I’m afraid that my parents, who have had declining health in the last few years, aren’t concerned about the fact they smoke 2 packs a day and take a ton of pills. I’m afraid they wont be here to see my children. I’m afraid that my Dad wont be here to walk me down the aisle or be able to dance with me at my wedding. I’m afraid they wont get to see their daughter become a wife and mother. I’m afraid they wont see the parent/wife I became from the example they showed me.


Weeksie50 said...

I could have written 1, 2, 4, 5, and 6. My friend, we share many of the same fears.. Ack.

jenn3 said...

We share several of the same fears also. Good list.

Jennifer said...

I have snakes on my list also! Great list!

Michelle said...

Those are such good and valid fears (ok, except the giant black snake that sort of cracked me up -- sorry!). I DO love the pun about the obit clerk. And I SO get the failure. But I've decided that not trying is worse, and I force myself to try. And if I fail, no one seems to remember anyway. Good luck! :)

Tiaras and Tantrums said...

great list - I'm totally with you on #7!

Lex the mom said...

This is a very realistic list of fears. Especially about those things that severely impact your life - i.e. having kids, getting married, losing your parents, etc.

I like the campaign that Dove is doing to create better feelings & higher self esteem in young girls. That is a thing I am afraid of, too. I dont' ever want my kids to feel like they aren't good enough.

Mama's Losin' It said...

Great list!! I used to be right there with you on #8...and my husband is right there with you with the dead end job...and that last one is wrenching.

All the makings for a great list!!