Wednesday, March 11, 2009

My names not Mary

*Caution this blog borders on the TMI topic of menstruation* You have been warned.

Please refer to the above comment before preceding. Just checking.

Okay. Now I'm FAR from normal, or so I've been told over the years, but I'm a tad annoyed with my present situation. Here's the deal. I have been waiting for that pushy, cramp my style, bloat me with water and all things salt Aunt Flo to make her monthly trip to my home, but I think that bitch blew me off. Excuse me. It's polite to call and reschedule, or oh I don't know SHOW up on time. I can't stand tardiness. Now It would be one thing if there was even the slightest reason she might not be coming...but there isn't. Short of Immaculate conception this oven isn't cooking up anything. And trust me there is NO way god would choose me to be the next virgin Mary. I mean hello I don't necessarily fit the criteria unless he thought them up late one night drunk in a bar.
Criteria for baring the Christ child.
  • Swears like a trucker.
  • Uses my name in vane almost hourly
  • kicks canes out from under the elderly
  • doubts I'm really~ I'll show the dumb b*tch
  • Drinks, and not at communion.

Yeah if those are the guidelines for being the next virgin Mary then ok. I can see why he would pick me. but last time i checked he was more into, devout belief, purity, virginity, and girls named Mary. And my name is not Mary. So back off pal.

So anywho, I wish Flo would just hurry up and get here and be gone. This will throw off every month from now on. She's such a selfish visitor. and when she comes she always expects fruit drinks and plush pillows to lounge around on. Well ya know Aunt Flo, get a fucking job. I don't think you've filed taxes in the last 2 million years. You just hop from women to women imposing yourself on them until your done. In the words of the now Meth addicted Stephanie Tanner "How Rude"


Diane said...

Just wait 'til you hit your 40's. Sometimes it happens twice a month. With no warning. See? Something to look forward to!

Amy McMean a.k.a McSunshine said...

Yeah I've never been normal so I've had that happen already. And a couple times for 3 weeks at a time. not letting up. My doctor says I'm young and don't have a normal schedule yet. I'm 27. I think Doctor is nutjob.

Cathy said...

Gosh, I miss that monthly misery. Not really. I sure would like the doctors to explain why I haven't one in 3 years since my bladder surgery. They took 2 days trying to remember if they put it back! Dumb A's. i don't care what your mensa score is take notes!