Time in a bottle.

Time flies by so fast. I'm feeling that from all sides right now. Not only is my little guy 4 months old but all the kids in my life have gone and grown up. I can't believe it. My nephew turned 13 years old last weekend. 13...going on a very angsty 18. I still remember going to the hospital when he was born. I remember changing diapers and sleepy overs at my apartment. Roller coaster rides, swim parties, birthday parties, breakfast at schooll with him. Seems like yesterday.

Then there are my twin younger cousins who turned 15 on Friday. 15!!! That's way to close to driving age for my liking. I remember my cousin showing me her ultrasound picture and saying 'here is baby A and that is baby B' I jumped up from the table so quick I almost knocked over the chair. Again I remember the hospital visit. Birthday parties. Sleepovers, movie dates, carnivals, swimming, fishing, I have albums of pictures. Millions of memories. 

And my step-son turned 13 years old on Friday. He was 7 when I came into his life. That seems like so long ago. The first time I meant him we went to chucky cheese and played games. Scott asked his dad if he had to sit on my lap. My husband said 'she's not Santa'. I remember making cupcakes, and coloring, and playing games. I remember the break down and tantrum he had when we told him we were getting married. But I remember the birthday's and our fun Father's Day trips. I remember trips to the amusement park and playing video games. 

I've watched all 4 of these children grow. And grow. And grow some more. I just don't know how or when all that growing happen. When did my little people become big people. 

My little people almost 4 years ago. 

My very first

Today is my VERY FIRST Mother's Day. The first of many to come. I've only been a mom for 3 months (although at 4am feedings it feels like forever) but I barely remember what it was like before him.....except for sleep. I remember sleep. I long for good uninterrupted SLEEP. But that is a thing of the past. I can't complain too much because my little guy is a good sleeper. 2 months he was sleeping 4-5 hours at a time and usually only woke up 1-2 times a night. By 2 1/2 months he was waking once a night and sleeping about 6-7 hours between feedings at night. I have a great husband who trades off night feedings with me so we each only have to get up every other night. And last night.....HE SLEPT ALL NIGHT. It's like he knew that was a great mommy's day gift. I put him to bed at 8 pm and he slept til 7:30am. I woke up at 6 and was alarmed he hadn't woken me up yet then I looked all dreamy at my husband, thinking he had gotten up last night with him. Then I realized the bottle was still sitting on the counter. Then I got concerned so I crept over to little mans room and there he was ASLEEP and snoring. How did I get so lucky!! 

This is him crashed out on the couch at 9am. I like to think he gets his laziness from ME! Lol

Learning curve

Things I've learned since becoming a mom

1. Showering is a luxury. On the off chance that I'm able to fit one in the baby will punish me for it. Example- I was able to shower quickly while the baby napped and once he was awake he spit up formula in my hair.

2.  On an average day I'll change my shirt at least 2x's because of the many bodily fluids he will produce.

3. The baby will sit contently for long periods of time UNLESS I'm trying to eat dinner.

4. My child will smile for any and everyone BUT ME!

5. I really don't need hours of sleep, 2 to 3 hours straight at a time will do just fine.

6. Laundry, laundry LAUNDRY. So much laundry. And endless supply of dirty laundry.

7. My husband and I will disagree about everything that pertains to the baby.

But for all the bad or annoying things that happen NONE of them make me regret having him. Even at 3 am when he's screaming his head off but refuses to drink his bottle I'm glad he's here. Tonight while giving him hugs and kisses I told my husband 'I can't wait till he's able to show us love back. Till he can give me hugs and kisses.'  For now I will just cuddle him as much as I can and I'll enjoy the times he fall asleep on my chest smiling. 

TGFP....... thank goodness for PINTEREST

While off on maternity leave I decided to step it up in the kitchen. I'm working on the whole housewife role. In 2016 B.B (before baby) my husband did the majority of the cooking. Not because I CAN'T cook or because I don't like too. It was mostly because....well, he would. And who am I to stop him from doing something he CLEARLY enjoys.

But since I've been off I've stepped up and started cooking dinner more often. Maybe I can casserole him into thinking it's financial possible for me to stay home full time. There's power in the casserole. Who doesn't love a good CASSEROLE. Casseroles could bring peace to the Middle East so why couldn't it convince a husband we won't end up homeless, which we TOTALLY would. 

I used PINTEREST to find some casseroles....I also used PINTEREST OG ( cookbooks and magazines) to find some new meals. On Pinterest I found the yum yum chicken recipe. I liked it right away it was easy.....and made up of only a few things. SCORE. Less stuff for me to mess up. Better chance that it won't SUCK.  It was pretty good. Well, it wasn't a fail for sure. It called for sour cream but I omitted that because my husband has a strong aversion to sour cream. My stuffing topping didn't get soft and gooey...it was more crunchy, but it was good. Good enough for my husband to eat it but it wasn't the mind changing casserole I was looking for. So the casserole search continues... Thank goodness for the never ending supply on Pinterest. 

Yum Yum Chicken
serves 6-8
(Printable Recipe)

• 1 to 1 ½ lb. chicken, cooked and cut up (I shredded one rotisserie chicken)
• 8oz sour cream
• 1 can Cream of Chicken soup
• 1 can Cream of Celery soup
• 1 box Cornbread stuffing, uncooked (Stove Top)
• 1 cup chicken broth
• 1/2 stick melted butter

Preheat oven to 350.

In 9x13 baking dish, lay chicken in the bottom of the dish.  In separate bowl, mix together the cream of chicken soup, cream of celery soup and sour cream. Spread over the chicken.

Sprinkle the uncooked stuffing over the soup mixture, (note: if herb packet is not mixed with stuffing mixture, top stuffing with herb packet).  Mix together the broth and the melted butter and pour evenly over all.

Bake at 350 for 30 minutes.

Striking out.

This whole mom thing feels like an endless mind game sometimes. 

The dr said ' oh you'll learn to tell his cries apart'.  Hmmmm. Everytime I think I have the 'hungry' cry figured out from the 'I pooped cry' I swear he changes it up on me. 

Today I packed up the diaper bag for an outing. Filled it with diapers, wipes, bottle, an extra outfit (just in case) and formula......and then left it at home. Good thing I wasn't in charge of putting the baby in the car.  All I had to do was carry the diaper bag out to the car......that's all I had to do. MOM FAIL. Unfortunately I didn't notice the missing diaper bag until I was across town. And this wonderful mommy had us out over little mans feeding time. Let's just say when he woke up he was less then pleased with me. GOOD JOB MOM. He screamed bloody murder. And I got really upset. 

How could I forgot the things he needs. Bad mommy. Fortunately for me my husband ran into target to buy some ready to use formula so I could feed the little man in the parking lot. My husband kept telling me it was ok and that these things happen, but I still felt like an idiot. And when I picked him up he was so worked up he was soaking wet. My poor little guy. 

Pretty much everyday I find myself going.... 'Ahhhh what was I thinking, why didn't I know better!' 

Like when we finished off the formula and we switched to a different brand that gave him horrible gas and stuffed him up for 6 days. My poor guy. Thank goodness for gas drops. 

Mommy is trying. And I promise one day I will get it right..... And that will probably be about the time you move out! 

Holy baby

I don't know what I expected. Clearly I don't know ANYTHING. We just hit the two week mark. Two weeks since my little buddy came into our lives. 9 months of carrying him around inside did not prepare me for this. I have no idea what I thought motherhood would be like or what actually having my own baby would be like...but this is exhausting. I guess I thought it would be cuddling and cues. Smiles and giggles and all things WONDERFUL. But this is EXHAUSTING!

It's GREAT. ITS AMAZING. everything he does is impressive. To me at least. Well, not when he pees on me. That's not very impressive. Mildly funny but not impressive. 

I knew it would be hard. I knew it would be tiring. I knew it would be stressful at times. But I didn't really KNOW. 

I wouldn't trade it for anything. The poopy diapers. Wake up calls every two hours. Getting peed on in the middle of the night. Bottles. Laundry. It's all worth it. The self doubt. Second guessing myself. Trying to figure out if it's a 'I'm wet' cry or an 'I'm never going to eat again' cry. 

Sometimes I think I'm making a mess of things. Did I feed him enough? Is the diaper to tight? Is he hot? Cold? Am I the worst mom ever? But he cuddles up to me when I rock him to sleep and I figure.....well so far so good. 

I'm insanely lucky to have the amazing husband I do. He's been my rock through this all. Quick to change a diaper or make a bottle. We try to take turns getting up during the night but he often lets me sleep and gets up a few times in a row. Does the cooking and grocery shopping. I really couldn't imagine doing any of this without him. 

Oh BABY

Well........he's here 

All 8 lbs. 6 ounces and 20 1/2 inches of him is HERE. 

IT WAS AN EXPERIENCE. Not one that I'm quick to repeat. Does that make me sound bad? I hope not. I had a great pregnancy. Couldn't have asked for an easier time of it....right up till the end. Right up till the doctors decided that inducing me was better then chancing me going past my due date. Which knowing what I know now.....this little guy would have been late. But being late would have been a million times better then inducing me. 

They induced me on Wednesday Jan 20th. We arrived at the hospital at 9 am to get the party started. And that's where I stayed until Monday Jan 25th. He wouldn't come. I wouldn't dilate. Finally Friday morning, the morning of the big snow storm, they said ITS TIME TO PUSH.

So I did. I pushed. For 2 1/2 hours I pushed. After 3 days of being hooked up to machines and two of those days on full bed rest because of the epidural, I pushed. And I pushed. And I cried. And I said I can't do this...more times then I remember. And I pushed. And he. He didn't budge. Didn't move. Didn't descend like he should have. And then I told the doctor 'I need to stop can we please do a c section, is it to late for that?' 

I didn't want c section. My husband tried to talk me out of it. But I was so tired. I was in so much pain. I told him I couldn't do it anymore that I just wanted to be done. And I cried. And then we went for the emergency c section. 

Oliver, my little chubby cheeked baby boy was born at 12:40 pm on Friday Jan 22nd. He was born in destress. He had pooped inside and was covered in it when they took him out he also has fluid in his lungs. They cleaned him up as quick as they could showed him to me and then whisked him off to the NICU. My husband asked if I wanted him to stay but I told him go with the baby. 

Once I was back in Recovery my husband and mom came back with pictures of the little guy. He stayed in the NICU until 830pm that night. I didn't even get to hold my little guy until 9 hours after he was born.